Apprentice
The Razor's Edge

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Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
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"You Are Chaos And Disorganization!"
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Tarek heads into the suite sighing and grateful for the reprieve, as the entire group collectively gets weird and culty and relieved. They've got palm fronds waving and he's riding the ass of his own specialness and they're singing hosannas and throwing down rose petals on the berber and Bryce grabs him and holds him up to the sun, like Simba or a pre-rhino Jennifer Grey. Brent runs around in shorts looking gross, looking for someone to hug, and Tarek is just trying to keep it together in the face of this madness. Tarek tries to explain that he was "this close" and that the only think that saved him was Summer's idiocy, but they're like, "What? Can't hear you. Blinded by the greatness." It's telling that this display somehow makes Tarek the most sympathetic person in the suite: "I'm not going to tell Trump he was wrong for calling me out. Second place is first in a long line of losers, right?" Well, he's still kind of a dick, because I really hate it when they're like, "I'm not gonna tell Trump how to do his job, but..." and also because: What a winning attitude, my friend! I think you get further by trying to win, not by trying not to lose. If you take my meaning. Which is basically what he's saying, but I think he's standing on the wrong side of it. Credits, which Stacy seems to think are hilarious. "I think I like her a lot," say my notes. This should be interesting.

Hanging out on some street corner, as they do, the group welcomes Trump, Bill, and Trump's daughter Ivanka. Bill's hair: What color is it? It's so mysterious. Trump calls Ivanka "a true apprentice," and Tarek smiles, because what better way to prove how classy and smart and successful you are than by hitting on Donald Trump's daughter? As long as somebody sees you do it, it means something. Ivanka went to Wharton, so insert the usual Trumping about Wharton, and then...Ivanka's a funny little thing. She doesn't look smart, or all that pretty, at rest. She has the Paris Hilton face where it's just this tiny mouth on a dumb-looking mask of nothing. But then when she speaks, everything changes, and she becomes beautiful and sexy and smart and cool. Well, that sounds mean, and I don't mean to be rude, because I think she's really cool. Like Miu Von Furstenburg levels of cool. I just mean -- you know Trump's face when he's not talking? How it shuts off and he looks like a cadaver, or a stuffed toad on a bookshelf? She has that problem too, only when he talks, he turns into Trump, and when Ivanka talks, she turns into awesome.

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Apprentice

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