Apprentice
The Razor's Edge

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
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"You Are Chaos And Disorganization!"

7. Helpful and/or friendly advice on even simple ways to get your visual shit together are just sneak attacks on you, another way to hurt you: "Lose weight if you want to look better in a suit and make a better impression" becomes "You're fat and a bad person," "Please stop shrieking" becomes "Your ideas don't matter because we're cooler than you." True or False?
8. Helpful and/or friendly advice on increasing your person skills, no matter how basic, are de facto attacks on your soul; you're perfect, so why should you adjust to the rest of the world? You're smarter than them all anyway, and that's what matters. True or False?

Essay: So then why aren't you happy?

Answer Key: Give yourself one point for each "True" answer. Punch yourself in the balls exactly that many times, until you get it.

1. I hope that's true, and honestly I bet it is, but you need to understand that that means precisely nothing. Ever. C.f. the Mensa quiz last week.
2. Your momma ain't here. And she only said that because she didn't know what else to say. She loves you. Nobody else has to.
3. Yeah, that's going to keep happening. Adapt.
4. Absolutely fucking false. That's good news, and bad news. The good news is: you are in charge of you. Nobody else. So you can do whatever you want with yourself. The bad news is: nothing's going to change until you do.
5. Whatever.
6. Absolutely fucking false, and again: good news and bad. Try asking somebody for help. It's not just skin-deep.
7. Yeah, this one doesn't really contribute to the overall quiz score, because that's really more the responsibility of the helpful person: to manage you. Take on the role of helper, you get yourself the duty of actually being helpful. Everybody's got the aunt or mom or whoever that says that shit and it's never going to come across right, and it is hurtful. If you're in the business of offering advice, it's your responsibility to establish the ground rules, and take on the whole process, because anything else is Mean Girls bullshit piling on, and an excuse to act like a dickhead while pretending to be "helpful."
8. This one's different, because the quickest way to get somebody to STFU is to say to them, "Shut The Fuck Up," and then explain why. That's extreme-sanctions business, though.

Essay: Just write it already. You don't even have to turn it in.

"I'm very proud of myself, and if Synergy doesn't want to recognize that?" Oh, Brent. They do. We all do. "That's their problem." Yeah, Brent. Apparently it is. For these fifteen weeks. And then it won't be anymore. But it'll still be a problem. "Brent is not going home this evening, that's for sure. It will not be me." And he's right, for no fucking reason whatsoever.

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Apprentice

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