Apprentice
The Writing On The Wall

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Wall of confusion

Previously on Massage-A-No-No: Put to the challenge of outfitting an Airstream trailer for a "mobile business," Magna came up with a rolling spa, while Net Worth decided to capitalize on fame-whoring (ironic!) and set up a fee-for-service casting agent, which...isn't really kosher, but whatever. Stephanie blew her stack over being asked to run menial errands not befitting a superstar like herself, while Michael fretted that he would be arrested for debauchery of some sort. The casting agent ultimately paid off (as much as a fundamentally unprofitable business can really be said to "pay off"), and Net Worth took the victory. In the Boardroom, when Bren tore a strip off of Stephanie and Michael couldn't keep his mouth shut, Michael finally ran out of ways to avoid the Trump dump, and was banished. The moral of the story is that this show has something like the opposite of a Good Samaritan law, where intervening on behalf of someone in need subjects to you severe and immediate consequences. There are 12 loonies left -- who will be the next to go? And more importantly, will there be massages? Like, for the viewer at home?

The buildings of New York serve as a reminder that, if all else fails, you can always jump off of something tall. Up at the ACWDW, Erin is telling everyone she hopes Michael is fired, because he lacks the necessary "hustle." Alex, however, says that if Stephanie isn't the one fired, that's going to present its own problems, because Stephanie will hold a grudge. He then interviews that he hopes Stephanie is the one to disappear, because of her "entitlement attitude." And her "bitterness and complaining." If you got rid of Stephanie, apparently, the team would no longer have any bitterness, complaining, or entitlement. And the show would thus be 86 seconds long. "You can't change somebody who's been that way for 27 years," Alex declares. And you know, you can't have an incomplete picture of somebody you've known for, like, two weeks, either. Alex is so smart. And insightful. Shrink my head, Alex!

The door to the Love Palace opens, and Stephanie and Bren return. "Oh my God," say a bunch of voices, and a happy Erin extends a hug to the unpopular Stephanie. Alex stews in the corner. He didn't get his way! How is that possible? Incidentally, LTG and I have noted from his bio that Alex was the president of the Federalist Society in college, and regularly lament that all that cuteness has been squandered on an apparent Republican. Boo! ["Maybe he just…likes the Federalist…Papers? I don't know. I want to like him but he's making it harder lately." -- Sars] Magna sits down for a debriefing, and Stephanie says that she wants to start by saying (falsely) that she doesn't take anything that happened in the Boardroom personally. She starts crying as she explains that she doesn't want anyone to anticipate unpleasant behavior from her just because the team drew and quartered her in front of Trump. Alex comes right out and says that he did anticipate that she was going to be a bitch, but he's really happy to hear she's not. Oh, that is touching! "This is a great response, by the way," Alex says as she pours on the crocodile snorfling. I think some of them actually...are clapping a little? I don't know. Stephanie, in her multiple-levels-of-ironic "Will Work For Shoes" shirt, interviews that she now realizes that she has to be a better communicator, because some people interpret honesty negatively. In other words, everything is still her team's fault, but she will do her best to adjust to their weaknesses. Hugs, everybody! She tells the team that she's really learning something, although she doesn't mention that it's how much other people eschew honesty. Stephanie is committed to working with the honesty-haters! Oh, and then she tells them she came on the show to "learn and grow," which...I'm not ruling out the learning and the growing, but if that's your reason for being there, you could have found several more efficient ways to accomplish the same objective. Furthermore, she refers to the group as "the most successful people in the United States," and I really don't think it's a good idea for her to be having this conversation while she is evidently drunk. Or deranged. Or whatever her actual altered state may be. Bren goes over to hug her, because he just loves being one of the most successful people in the United States. And even better is having other people know that about him. The view from the top of the heap is, like, heady.

Dear Bren: I'm not so much pro-bow-tie or anti-bow-tie as I am convinced that if you're going to wear it, you need a way to keep it more horizontal, because when it's all wacky like that, it makes me want to wind it up and see if the propeller on your beanie spins. Smooches, Miss A.

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