Apprentice
There's No "I" In Team

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Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Two: Leave It On The Playground

It's only the arrogance of dorks like Markus that refuse this -- because they honestly feel they're better than every single person around them is wrong, and that they're actually performing to spec -- that keeps them from humbling themselves for the two seconds necessary to introspect and realize that being a total jackass all day is at odds with their desire to be liked, included, or given the approval they so desperately need. This is why I have no respect or sympathy for Markus, because this kind of dorkiness is narcissistic. If you start thinking everybody else is crazy? Or an asshole, or stupid, or whatever. That's the number one sign that you are crazy. Or an asshole, or willfully blind. I know Trump wants us to consider "flexibility" and this isn't what he meant, but God, Markus. I just got rid of Constantine a few months ago, for Pete's sake! You are killing me. Killing my heart!

Okay, that was relatively short. So Trump comes in with a tuxedo and tells them they don't rate him changing into office clothes, and Chris tells him they lost because of lots of vaguely-defined "distractions." George jumps first, saying that the whole team is responsible, and really that they all lost the task in the first minute, up on the roof, with the high-fiving and the "Men Sell Cars And Women Have Babies" crap. "The problem is that you were cocky," he says. For starters, I say. And it sucks, because I thought Chris was awesome about 85% of the whole episode. Trump doesn't ask questions, he makes statements: "Who came up with the ad campaign." Chris explains that it was a collective project. Markus raises his hand, nobody cares. (Still! You're 41! It's called pattern recognition and it's God's special gift to you!) Trump: "The 'i' in 'Italian'?" Mark says his explanation from before for that one, verbatim. Trump: "That was terrible." Mark's like, "Yeah." Trump: "Green With Envy?" Markus looks sickened, but in this ass-sniffing way where he's like personally offended on Trump's behalf. Mark starts with some freshman-year art history essay crap and Markus angrily shakes his head. Trump: "That was you too." Mark's like, "Yup."

Carolyn jumps at the actual issue qua the presentation itself: "You had to explain about everything about your ad." All the graphics, the copy, all the details. Chris gives a somewhat obnoxious tiny speech about how he wanted to make sure the judges -- who, just to remind you, are a top American ad exec and the client -- understood the finer points and "subtleties" of their not-so-subtle campaign. Markus, of course, looks like a goddamned martyr this whole time. See, if it was that much of a problem, you could have figured out a way to address it, jackass, and saved your team, but that would entail being able to read people or speaking properly instead of like you're the guy from A Confederacy Of Dunces. Carolyn interrupts Chris: "I think it's quite boring." Chris mumbles "Okay" and shuts up, and looks very ill.

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Apprentice

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