There’s No “I” In Team

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Lesson Two: Leave It On The Playground

There's a title graphic so that we can learn about Trump's Wisdom. This week we are told to "Be Flexible," and Trump explains to us that "in business it's important to adapt." There's stock footage of him on a conference call, displaying less "flexibility" than, say, "monotone decreeing." None of this has to do with anything. You must "show flexibility and be able to make a change," he states, and then retires to his naturally smug, brain-dead squint and stares at the camera for a while. It's icky.

Josh and Chris talk about the video project, and even though these two are the team captains all the damn time, everybody seems pretty involved. They want to rent a vintage Lamborghini going through a tunnel -- okay? -- and then it will turn into the new model they're advertising. The whole "rebirth" thing. Chris finds out from their client advisor (or maybe someone associated with the show) that they can't stop traffic, and immediately starts strategizing a way around this. Chris interviews that Markus picked up a walkie-talkie from somewhere, and -- I'm sure breathlessly -- asked that he be the one to coordinate with the drivers. "How hard could that be? How hard?" he asks.

Super-hard, Chris. And see, this is the problem right here, because as much of a fucking train wreck as Markus is generally, he's specifically an interrupter of the ADD flavor, and also positively arrogant in his oblivion. This means that coordinating between the team, the drivers, and the videographer -- lots of voices he can't relate to each other because he's not listening in the first place -- is going to be beyond him. Obviously. His only worth, the only thing he's good at besides sucking, is in being critical and deductive, and that's what he should be doing, playing Devil's Advocate. He'd be so happy if you gave him a thing and said, "What's wrong with this?" That's all you'd have to do, and he'd give you great and useful feedback, and besides that, he's going to do it anyway. If he were ten years younger he'd be more computer-savvy and would have become a great systems analyst, and he would be right now working in one of those weird Asperger farms in NorCal where they don't believe in social skills.

So Markus is yakking into the walkie about the weather and shit, and ignoring everything else, because focus is his downfall. Chris finally has to shout to get his attention, telling him to just send the driver down…at the next light. Markus, not hearing the full sentence because that's him, just throws out a hand dramatically and walkies, "Yeah, do it," and then looks to Chris like, "See, I'm being helpful and commanding. I'm a real man just like you guys. Now can I play basketball with you guys? Please?" Chris is like, "No, not that, not yet. God." Markus tries to belay the order, but of course the driver is still talking, and it's so instantly shambolic and irritating that everyone is fed up already. Chris tries to explain again the very fucking simple thing that he wants the driver to do, and three words into the sentence, Markus wanders off talking into the walkie again. I want to kick him so hard. Have you ever worked with this guy? I know you have. God. And if you are this guy, I'm not apologizing, because if you knew it, you'd shape up, so as far as you're concerned I'm not talking about you anyway. (PS: I'm totally not! I think you're great!)

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