Auctioneer guy starts with the Fab Five night of disco bowling. It goes for $9,000, and Boyfriend Bill admits that this good start for Protégé was "concerning." Next up is the Regis package. Regis Day goes for only $6,000. That would seem to make Regis worth substantially more on a per capita basis than Kyan, and that is impossible for me to accept. Ah, Kyan. Amy admits to a "pit in [her] stomach" [sic] and a fear that they were not going to take this one. Next up, Isaac Mizrahi. Winner gets a look at the collection, and then eight outfits. Boyfriend Bill says that Mizrahi "came out of the blocks in a full sprint." The package immediately gets to $7000, but then goes no higher. So it's $7000 for the Mizrahi. Next up is the VersaCorp Rocco package, which consists of a private party with dinner for fifty, so they did a nice job of getting a fat deal from Rocco. Boyfriend Bill continues the play-by-play, saying that every paddle that went up to bid on Rocco was like "a defibrillator paddle" (hee) helping him recover from his earlier panic attack over losing. "I was breathing on my own after about twelve thousand dollars," he says. Oh, Boyfriend Bill. I fear we will always be kept apart by my distaste for cigars. Anyway, Rocco's dinner goes for $13,000, which puts things back on track for VersaCorp. It's kind of ironic that a guy who specializes in giant wads of meat was compared to defibrillator paddles, don't you think?

The Kate White package is next. I don't even know what you get with "Cosmo Day" unless they stand around and quiz you all day about whether you are too sexually aggressive, but in any event, this is where we whiz through a couple of rounds that are pretty uneventful. "It was literally a boxing match," Boyfriend Bill says. Ohhhhh...Boyfriend Bill. You said "literally." By which you meant "figuratively." You are lucky you are cute, Boyfriend Bill, or it would be over for good. Kate White goes for $6,000. Third Watch goes for $7,000. Nicole Miller internship (fifteen days) goes for $6,000. Tiki Barber goes for only $4,000. Hey, who's disrespecting the Tiki-Tiki-Tiki? Harrumph. Boyfriend Bill looks despondent. I'm not sure this is a football-player crowd, unfortunately. The Russell Simmons "opportunity" goes for $7,000. And then, it's time for Carson Daly. Jingle Ball. Tiger Woods sold separately. Boyfriend Bill says that he knew people liked Carson, but he never expected him to do better than Regis. That is indeed what occurs, though, partly thanks to a young woman whose mom is apparently letting her bid. ["And who apparently is not from the New York area, because…the Jingle Ball? I mean…no. Just…really, really no." -- Sars] Mom almost doesn't let her go to $10,000, but finally she relents, and that is the final price of Carson. It's a great moment when, after $9,000 goes once and twice, Mom reaches over and taps the daughter on the arm, like, "Oh, whatever," and daughter flies up with her paddle. It's a little bit cute, if you can put out of your mind the fact that she's doing all this over something involving Carson Daly. Much totaling of numbers ensues. Carolyn says they'll all be gathering in a conference room for results.