Apprentice
Tit for Tat

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Miss Alli: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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The Unbearable Lightness of Carson Daly

Finally, the heavy door to S4 swings open, and Heidi walks in first, followed by Assorama. Ereka seems irrationally exuberant at the sight of Heidi (in fairness, I would likely consider any exuberance irrational), and then everyone's faces fall at the sight of Assorama. I think this was overplayed, frankly, because the rest of the folks in the suite are always jolted when they see the second person, because that's when it dawns on them who got fired. I don't think this is so much horror at Assorama's return -- the project manager is always the odds-on bootee -- as it is the unavoidably dumpy feeling they all got because someone who was pleasant and generally well-liked was sent home. That's particularly so when she was sent home in place of two people who make life around the suite rather more of a pain in the ass for everyone else.

Assorama tries to make a big demonstrative deal out of publicly embarrassing Tammy for acting surprised to see her, which is uncalled-for and juvenile, but of course utterly typical of people who are constantly looking to take the focus off of their own faults, as Assorama is. Assorama now interviews that "the most valuable thing that has happened to [her]" was watching the other people be surprised that she returned. First of all, "the most valuable thing that has happened"? You know, there are better ways to compose sentences than by throwing darts at a dictionary. Second, her complete lack of self-awareness is getting very creepy, in that she obviously doesn't understand how dumb she sounds when she's unrelentingly shitty to other people and then tut-tuts everyone else about taking the game personally. You can decide that it's better to be feared than loved, in other words, but then when you're not loved, it's not because other people are too sensitive. This is why I would never work for her -- she's substantially more spiteful and petty and driven by personal grievances than anyone else on the team, but she's utterly unaware of it, and struts around with what I think are honestly held delusions of professionalism. I've had a lot of contempt for a lot of contestants on a lot of shows, but I think she would be in the running for the most oblivious reality show participant I've ever seen, as far as the size of the gap between the person she consistently shows herself to be and the person she sincerely thinks she is.

Heidi goes outside for a cigarette. The team joins her on the balcony, where she asks who everybody wants as project manager for the next task. Assorama says that she'll do it -- wow, big of her to volunteer, considering that she and Heidi are the only ones on the team who haven't done it already. She interviews in her usual grandiose fashion that she took this big step because she felt the need to "step up," like, hello, blockhead, you're one of the two people on your team who have ducked it until now. You're not so much "stepping up" as you are choosing not to be the very last weenie to take the reins. (That very last weenie, by the way, would be Heidi the self-appointed local bad-ass, if you're keeping score.) The team decides that Assorama indeed will be the project manager. There is a delicious irony in the fact that they made her the PM for a task that turned out to be as dependent as any they've ever done on your basic likeability. Of course, as explained previously, the other choice was Heidi, so...I think that makes Assorama the devil and Heidi the deep blue sea. Or vice versa. Assorama interviews with a grin that if the team wins, she will "seal [her] fate in this game." I totally agree. One win by her team will pretty much render everything else that happens irrelevant, as the world does, after all, revolve on an axis labeled with her name, while stars with her face engraved in their sides twinkle in the heavens.

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Apprentice

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