Apprentice
Tit for Tat

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Unbearable Lightness of Carson Daly

The next morning, the silver phone rings. Robin tells Assorama that Trump wants them at Wollman Rink in forty-five minutes. Aw, Serendipity…aw, Cusack…awwww, Wollman Rink. I literally had to fire up Rhapsody and listen to a little Nick Drake. Anyway, Heidi voices over that she has no idea what's coming, as we watch Kwame ironing. With, I would point out, a six-inch swath of boxers sticking out above his pants. Kwame apparently just walked off the set of Clueless, where he was participating in the famous "As if!" sequence. Heidi says firmly that Protégé must win. "We have no option," she says.

We see the candidates leaving, and then a nifty overhead shot slides from Trump Tower over to the rink. Nice. At the rink, Donald is checking out the rink, which is apparently yet another of his many dominions, and he's told that all is well. He plugs the rink rather clumsily (he has many possessions, but there is no such thing as Trump National Subtlety), and then goes off to meet the candidates. When he gets to them, he forces them all to sit through a lengthy story about how he rescued the rink from obscurity and saved it and is generally awesome, and how without him, there would be a great big mass of urban blight instead of all the skating. I have a feeling that the first real task during many of these challenges is pretending to care, if you know what I mean. I have no idea how accurate this little "Donald Trump, King of The Philanthropy Capades" tale really is, but he uses it as a lead-in to this week's task, in which, just as he "gave back" to the city, the Trumpettes will have the opportunity to "give back" by raising money at an auction at Sotheby's for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation. Starting a sad trend that will last throughout the episode, Trump pronounces her name "Glay-zshur." Not. At any rate, Trump tells them that the teams will be meeting with five celebrities each, to set up some kind of an "experience" with that celebrity that can be auctioned off for charity. Whoever pimps out their celebrities for the most money total will be the winner. Losers to the Boardroom, as usual. "Good luck, do well, and raise lots of money for this great charity," he says. Because if you don't raise money for charity, you will be humiliated and tossed aside like the garbage you are! It's all about the love, people.

The teams retire to S4 to for pre-task plotting. Katrina explains that Bill and Tammy were the only VersaCorpians who hadn't yet acted as project manager, so the team elected Boyfriend Bill, on the theory that he's "better suited to this task" than Tammy. Because the task doesn't involve tuning in to signals from outer space, or getting in touch with your inner social bumbler, or whatever it is that Tammy specializes in. VersaCorp reviews its list of celebrities: Regis Philbin (heh), Rocco DiSpirito (bleh), Carson Daly (ugh), Tiki Barber (who plays for the New York Giants, for the non-football fans among you), and Ed Bernero (the executive producer of Third Watch, which I didn't even realize was still on until I saw this episode). Over at Protégé, they review their list, and they've got Russell Simmons (king of hip-hop), Kate White (editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan), Nicole Miller (fashion designer), Isaac Mizrahi (another fashion designer, in case you don't shop Target), and the cast of Queer Eye. Okay, seriously, if you cannot win this task at this particular moment in history with the Queer Eye guys, you are doing something profoundly wrong. There is some talk among Protégé about how to pronounce "Mizrahi," and I'm kind of shocked that Assorama has no idea who he is. I mean, the guy's pretty damn famous, and she makes like she's never heard of him. Weird.

VersaCorp works on scheduling its pitch meetings. They call first to set up things with Tiki. Tiki-Tiki-Tiki. I could say that all day. In fact, I might. They then chat with Regis, whom Amy calls "Reege," which strikes me as overly familiar, but I suspect he's used to it by now. I don't think Regis is a guy who stands on ceremony, what with all the bellowing. Ereka explains that she is "star-struck" at the mere thought of meeting Regis Philbin. Is Ereka even on the show anymore? When was the last time she did anything? I swear, since she stopped getting in hellcat smackdowns, she's no fun anymore. They all high-five, because what could make you more of a hot hipster than an actual meeting with Regis Philbin? Except, you know, meeting someone who doesn't get seventy percent of his fan mail every week in six large bags delivered from America's largest retirement communities. Amy explains in an interview that if you bring all the candidates and their Type-A personalities into a meeting together, they have a tendency to be unprofessional and talk over each other, so they decided to split up. Ereka, Tammy, and Amy go to see Carson Daly, while Katrina, Nick, and Boyfriend Bill head off to see Tiki-Tiki-Tiki-Tiki-Tiki.

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Apprentice

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