Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | 703 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Lesson Five: Speak Up. Or: Don't, Depending

Meanwhile these "Lakers" have to do with somebody named Phil Jackson, and a man whose name is James, and Kareem Abdul Jabbar, who I didn't know was a real person. I thought he was just, like, Slimer or something. A fictional player of sports that showed up in cartoons or on Gilligan's Island. Oh MAN! Are the Harlem Globetrotters real? Do they still exist? I so want to go see them play sports or do whatever they do. Do they sing? I'm not clear on what they do. Sometimes it involves basketball, sometimes they travel through time and space. Whatever it is, I am in.

Sorry, so the Lakers and Laker Girls, who I remember from before and also Paula Abdul, clap for them, and there are some other people, players, two assistant coaches, and Phil Jackson gives a speech about teamwork, and then they dribble and pass the basketball, and those are all the words I know from basketball, there are hoops and squeaking on the floor, and some lady watches them play against the Lakers, or rather, "some Lakers and some other people," and I don't know if they're doing well, but I imagine that they are not. How do you keep your eye on the ball when it moves so fast? Sports, wow. Aimee picks her head up off the ground long enough to tell us how "amazing" it was to play the sports with the sports players, and how they had almost forgotten how to win after the last two tasks, but now they remember that it is: good.

At the Routine Fireside, Tim is lying on Nicole's ass, and Surya is telling everybody about how he's such a huge Lakers fan, it's like his career, so nobody else can love the Lakers as much as he does, don't even try it. No, wait, that was Tim talking, so whatever. Lose the Surya joke. Or keep it, actually, because he sucks. Stefani welcomes him to "the wonderful world of boardroom anticipation," and he drinks deeply of his personal drama. I cannot effing wait until his ass gets canned.

Apprentice

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