To Bee Or Not To Bee

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
Lesson Five: Speak Up. Or: Don't, Depending

"There are Benefits...Under Benefits, you have 'RTBs': Reasons To Believe." IN HONEY? You want to show the versatility of HONEY? He's literally just reading this back from the three-ring binder of his mind. It's so stupid and obnoxious. "Reasons To Believe, yeah, I mean, there are two barriers to purchase: we get the versatility angle, and the product benefits for this..." Aaron rolls his eyes. I have no idea what the hell Surya's talking about. The barriers to purchase are as follows: nobody eats that much honey, so everybody's got a three-year-old bottle of honey in their house, and are not looking to buy more. The only Reason To Believe in play here is the one about needing a Reason To Believe that the surplus honey already in your house is somehow not enough honey. There is no Reason To Believe that. Similarly, the Versatility Angle on honey is nonexistent: honey has no reason to be versatile, because honey is very good at what it does, which is being honey, which everyone knows how to operate properly (you eat it, with your mouth) and which doesn't leave a lot of room for either error or versatility. Honey's not good for anything other than what you're using it for. Now, if you can sell me that honey is good for other purposes, like pouring all over Jenn Hoffman's face, maybe that's a Reason To Believe that the amount of surplus honey in my house is not a good enough amount of honey. However, in my personal case that is not going to happen, because there is already a perfect amount of honey in my house, that perfect amount being ZERO, because I hate honey and I think it tastes gross, and it comes out of animals I similarly hate, and I don't want to support their lifestyle of stinging me whenever they feel like it.

Oh, Surya's still talking. Well, "talking," I guess. "You've got RTBs: it's solid. What channels are they sold in? Is it direct-to-consumer? Is it internet?" I don't know what the hell he's talking about. James clears his throat: "What relevance does that have with our task?" Surya explains that asking irrelevant questions and talking out of your ass for hours and hours is relevant because it "helps us form our, like, Unique Selling Proposition." James stares at Surya and watches this filth coming out of his mouth. I got a Unique Selling Proposition for you right here: It goes, "Wanna buy some honey? Please buy some honey because I'm on a game show."

James interviews that Surya is a dumb-dumb who is overcomplicating everything to feed the horrible beast inside him that desperately needs to show off and snow everybody on the team with a hailstorm of pointless and meaningless jargon into thinking that he knows what he's talking about. And to beeeeee fair, half of Arrow is probably that stupid. Aaron starts wandering around like an outpatient, and James finally goes, "To me? It's like, making some honey, and go sell it, and make as much money as we can." Surya doesn't even skip a beat: "That's revenue maximization." I wanted to punch him so bad right then, but James has it covered: "...You mean making money?"

Kinetic. At the factory, Aimee and Jen are working on marketing while the rest of the team harvests their batch of honey. The bees go after Derek hardcore because he's so sweet, and he hops around and gets stung and is very funny about it. Five seconds later, they drive back to the factory, where Aimee and Jenn have apparently done nothing whatsoever. Muna and Derek discuss signage in the van, and Derek interviews about how confused the team was to come back to the PM to learn that she had done absolutely nothing whatsoever while they were very far away getting stung by bees. As they walk in, Aimee immediately goes, "We had to hold off on marketing because we needed to name the honey, and...that's kind of where we're at." This would be the part where you knock her down and take the conch, you know? Angela makes this awesome face that goes, "Are you fucking kidding me with this?" Kristine interviews that the entire beekeeper escapade took four hours. Four hours! "You're the PM, step up!" They should have stayed in contact with Aimee while they were gone, I guess. She says some dumb names for honey and they all agree on a name I really like: BEE MORE. You can see the brand stuff they're going for here, and even though the show doesn't really let us in, I'm guessing everything that happens later arises from this concept, like having Angela hawking it as a superior athlete and whatever, but the way it's edited, you get no sense of the branding by either team, which is supposed to be the entire point of the task itself, but what, I'm going to bitch because this show is suddenly stupid? Kristine interviews some more about how Aimee did NOTHING, after they were expecting a full marketing campaign when they got back, and makes the faces of trepidation: "It's a complete disaster."

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