Apprentice
To Bee Or Not To Bee

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Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Five: Speak Up. Or: Don't, Depending

Aimee drunkenly offers some customers honey; Angela whispers about how scary she's acting, Kristine gets frightened because there's no traffic and all their stations are dead, and...Derek for the win! He straps himself into that lumpy beekeeper suit and wanders around the store with a basket of honey, talking about the Pillsbury Dough Boy and giggling and doing little dance moves. Dude, if I wasn't already crushin', this would have been it for me. It takes some kind of awesome to strap yourself into a getup that violently unflattering and attempt to put your sales foot forward. Love it. He sells a billion bottles of honey, shows one couple where he got stung, it's cute, another kid buys a bottle or three just because of the hilarious bee suit. I totally wish raves still existed; I would get a beekeeper outfit so fast! Meanwhile, Angela is also rocking out, sitting at a table that says BEE MORE and mentioning her Gold Medalist status. Angela is my boyfriend secondary to Derek, I can't wait to see her face-front. A cute girl in a Mohawk buys Olympic honey, and Derek interviews how "despite the fact that Aimee was a crappy manager," they pulled it out. He's not sure if their sad start will pull them back too much to win, but he knows they went out with a bang. Kinetic does a hands-in; Aimee can barely stand.

Into the boardroom! Kinetic's in t-shirts; Derek's still wearing his bee suit. Sean calls Trump on the phone, where he's fakely delivering a speech to Minnesota or something about how "if you don't love what you do, you'll never ever be successful," which is just so insightful, and there's cheering, and a sign that says, "Trump For President," which is enough to send me into a dystopic coma, and when he answers his phone, all of Minneapolis screams, "SEAN!" Or maybe they don't, because this is stupid. He tells Sean that they're on the phone with 20,000 people in Minnesota, and "we're doing this together." He explains to Minnesota about the bee stuff, calling them "killer" bees for some reason, and gets the totals from Sean. Arrow sold 217 bottles for a total of $775.48 (unit price around $3.50) and Kinetic wins: 345 bottles (for a dollar less) totaling $836.58. Kinetic cheers, Minnesota cheers, Aaron looks gassy, Derek giggles some more. Trump gives Minnesota some love and the camera lingers on the "Trump For President" sign way too long. Is that serious? Is this a serious edit thing? That would be so fucking marvelous if he ran for president again. Man.

"Kinetic, let me tell you about another winning team: the L.A. Lakers." He fudges that they've won 14 NBA championships, "more than anybody else," but weren't a lot of those when they were on a different team, in another state? And was that state not Minnesota? And isn't mentioning them -- and co-opting their championships -- kind of gauche to do in Minnesota? I don't even know what sport they play, I think the "beeeeeee" in "NBA" stands probably for "basketball"; that's my educated guess. I don't know anything about sports, who knows what the etiquette is. You could tell me literally anything under the sun about sports, I'd believe you. "Jacob, did you know that in hockey, at halftime, they line up and do a dance in their skates, on the ice, and that lots of highly regarded players are actually not that great at hockey, but command huge salaries anyway just for the flash they add to that twinkling, magical halftime show?" I'd be like, "See, this is why I have questions about Canada." So anyway, they're going to go to the Lakers training center and play some sport or another with the Lakers, and Kinetic is getting back into the mansion, and Aimee is now the PM and Viceroy in perpetuity, and Aaron's getting fired, which we already knew. He makes a face like he's having a stroke or something that has rendered him a moron.

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