Ivanka, in her new place in Carolyn's chair, will be Trump's "eyes and ears," a fact he will be reminding you of on a constant basis. There's nobody in the George spot, and he points out this obvious fact with a Christmassy excitement that bodes ill. Trump asks if they had fun, and let me tell you: Derek and Stefani sure as fuck did. Their every movement is very exaggerated around Trump, to the point of like being obnoxious and weird. The difference between a gracious nod of the head and a grand mal seizure is perhaps subtle, but it is not invisible to the naked eye. I feel like Stefani is needy in some way, that's the vibe. If this were high school, she'd spend most of the time crying in the bathroom. Now, we haven't seen much of her, and we won't this week, and you know I like to change my opinions with whiplash quickness, but I'm sticking there this week. Kristine offers that perhaps there were too many cooks in the kitchen; Frank opines that it is the greatest tent the world has ever seen, thanks to his -- this is embarrassing -- construction experience, and that if pressed he would be happy to sleep there tonight. Ivanka laughs at this, because Christmas is coming! Marisa and James couch their characterizations of Frank and Heidi -- as a blowhard and an apple-polisher respectively -- in just enough plausible deniability that Trump gets the go-ahead to make them the first PMs, even though James's more firmly worded "they were very... vocal" is more an indictment than anything else.

Everybody lines up against the wall and the choosing begins. Heidi picks Derek first, because he's the best. Frank picks Carey, because... that is supermotherfucking fishy, isn't it? After the sixteen gay panics over the course of this show, the first two picks are also the two gay guys, and this somehow reflects... well on Trump? That's the reasoning here, and it makes me queasy. Heidi takes crunchy-looking Aimee; Frank picks the next hottie, Tim; Heidi takes Marisa; Frank picks the next hottie, Aaron. As usual, we're going in hotness order, just like every season, and like every season I'm sure there are some panties in a bunch somewhere, but you know what? Real world. Learn it, live it. This isn't some kind of weird effect, it's the way the world works. Use that to your advantage and stop wishing things were different. They're not and they won't be. Just get hotter and you won't have a problem. And on that note, shut the eff up, Martin. He hypothesizes that it's so weird because normally he's picked as "either one or two" in like every project. Other things that are totally weird: how he's very nervous and he is never, ever nervous.