Who will succeed? Who will fail? And who will be? THE APPRENTICE!? The credits are the same with the pretty fisheye stuff, and a bit of wonderful Ivanka, but there are some sucky additions: Trump going "You're fired!" a few times awkwardly in the mix, and lots of that sweet, sweet undernourished California ass.
Team Kinetic, or what we are this week calling "Heidi's team," is made up of Muna, Kristine, Derek, Marisa, Angela, Surya, Jenn, and Aimee. Team "Arrow," headed for now by the odious Frank, includes Nicole, Michelle, James, Carey, Tim, Martin, Aaron, and Stefani. Team Trump LA includes the Donald, Ivanka, a doorman named, I think, Otto who seems to hail from somewhere in Europia, more Melania than is appropriate... and that's it. No Carolyn, no George, no Rosie, no Martha. It's a family affair. I'm sure fuckin' Bill will show up at some point, or that boring man who also won that time. Or whoever won last year. That British person with the face. I wonder if he will show up. Gross. ["Thanks a lot, a-hole. I thought I'd forgotten him." -- Joe R] In the meantime, it's shocking how likeable I find almost all the candidates. There are a few who have me pretty worried, and at least two that I wish to punch in the dick, but the electability average here is much higher than I remember it usually being.
The SUV rolls up to a fairly awesome, Californiate complex mansion, Otto VonRobinGotSacked welcomes them, and then upstairs in the Trump Mansion, which is next door, the phone does not authentically ring and Trump answers it, speaking to no one, and then does not authentically walk down the stairs, out the door, down the driveway, down the hill, and up the driveway to the Candidate Mansion. The fresh, breezy flavor of simulacrum. Tastes like insulted intelligence! Donald's hair looks even worse than usual, though, so possibly he did authentically do these things. I'm not budging on the phone calls though. That's fake ass. His hair looks like -- this part is always so hard -- his hair looks like...
Okay. Imagine a man, wearing pantyhose. Like a creepy YouTube tranny, smoking a cigarette, awkwardly, in a wig, with fake wood paneling, and he's wearing pantyhose. Sitting in a rolling office chair. And he hasn't shaved his legs, okay, and the hair is all balled up and matted and gross under the pantyhose. And this tranny does not know about keeping those knees together. And maybe this man is wearing briefs that are a little too brief, also under the pantyhose? This is what Donald's hair looks like right now.