Toying With Disaster

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Welcome back, suck-ups

We see a bunch of random citizens (accosted casino guests, perhaps?) act really far too excited upon being asked by Donald whether they like his show. Of course, they are completely sincere, and it has nothing to do with the fact that if they fail to give a satisfactory response, Trump will have them bankrupted and sentenced to live in studio apartments with dull, non-gold faucets for the rest of their lives. Donald talks about how after last season's finale, he returned to his first love, which is himself. Er, "which is real estate." That's it -- real estate. He reveals the much-sought-after scoop that he's made some great deals, and we just happen to be there with our camera running right when he's making one of them on the phone for almost $2 million! What are the odds? Incidentally, he's still loving that pink tie. In fact, it appears that at times, he is loving a pink shirt to go with it, which I guess is either an unexpected style choice or a sign that Melania isn't great with sorting the whites and the colors. Trump makes spazzy hand gestures (someone get that man into a creative movement class! That's the sign for baking bread!) while explaining that "energy is what it's all about." He claims to have "great people that [sic] work for [him]," and says that he just flew in from Chicago, and boy are his T-bills tired! No, not really. Really, in Chicago, it turns out that he was conferring with his right-hand man...Boyfriend Bill! Oh, hello, Boyfriend Bill. Trump reminds us that Bill won last season, in case you're not aware of that. Donald tells us that Bill is now "overseeing," by which he means "having his picture taken near," the construction of Trump's big new project in Chicago. We see Bill on the phone saying, "I'm on top of it." Obviously, Trump hired the right person. Kwame could never have said, "I'm on top of it." (Assorama would have said, "I'm on top of it, and also, I just won the U.S. Open.") I have to say, Boyfriend Bill seriously needs some acting lessons if he's going to keep trying to look like he does stuff. It's not easy, pretending to be in charge.

Aaanyway, Boyfriend Bill is old news now, so Trump is looking to hire someone new to run "one of [his] many companies." In a very strange shot, we watch a bunch of people pass in speedy-vision, while one guy walks down the street in real time, looking down at something he's reading and frankly behaving in a rather slouchy way as high-energy blurs go by him on all sides. This all occurs as Trump is explaining how very dynamic the person he's looking for must be, and I suppose we're supposed to think that he is looking one person out of a blurred zillion, like Slow-Walking Guy here, but Slow-Walking Guy really doesn't look like a great hire, frankly. Slow-Walking Guy looks like on his first performance review, the box for "Takes initiative in looking for creative solutions" will not be checked. "Keeps vertebrae aligned" may not even be checked. "I'm looking for...the Apprentice!" says Trump. Assorted skyline shots. Because New York porn rules! Woo! Go, New York porn!

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