Everyone walks into the Boardroom, where Carolyn and George are already waiting. They all settle in and wait. And then Trump comes in, sits down, and compliments everyone on how good-looking they are. Well, at least he's narrowed it down to their most promising quality. He welcomes the candidates to New York, which he assures them is "mean" and "vicious." I actually don't find New York all that mean or vicious. I have a theory of New York which is very complicated, which I formulated the last time I was there, in which I posit that New York is full of so many people that if you live there, you would never get any work done if you relied on judging people by outward appearances, which is inefficient. Thus, New York has been forced to fall back on attempting to judge people on merit, which is why no one cares whether you dress like all of the Village People at the same time, but they will shoot you where you stand if you don't move when the Walk/Don't Walk sign changes. I don't think that's vicious. I just think it's practical. ["Amen. We're actually fairly pleasant, most of us. We're just in a damn hurry." -- Sars] We could use a little more of that up here, especially in the winter. Anyway, Trump welcomes them to their interview with him and his "people." He says, "Unless you're not from this world [meaning 'unless you didn't watch last season,' which is the same thing], you know who they are." He first introduces the lovely Carolyn, who has had her hair de-helmeted since last season and looks closer to her actual age and really quite stunning. Trump calls Carolyn "tough" and "nasty" but "actually very nice." He then turns to George, who looks thinner than last year in a way I can't decide whether to think is good or bad news, and says that George is "tough" and "nasty," but "not very nice." Aw. That is so not true, Trump. Quit giving George shit, or he'll ding you in the noggin with a Polident tablet.
Trump comments that the women are all looking pretty cocky because they think they're going to do well, but he reminds them that the women last year only excelled at first, not forever. He says, however, that he wants to see the (tired, oh so tired) gender dynamic play out with a new group, so he's decided to split the teams up boy-girl again. The rules are the same about the competition and the tasks, except that this year, if you're the project manager one week and your team goes to the Boardroom next week, you're exempt. It brings up the very real prospect, it seems to me, of something that wasn't really on the table last year, and that's sabotaging your team. If you were the PM last week and you're exempt this week, you might very well sandbag your team if you thought someone you disliked could go. (For instance, consider how badly some of the women wanted to get rid of Tammy last year.) On the other hand, though, it does, as Trump says, create an incentive to step up and be PM. Trump reminds them all that as talented as they are, only one of them can get the job. So there, punks! Several of them smile tightly. He dismisses them, and as they leave, Andy interviews -- while standing next to a mighty girly display of purple flowers, I must say -- that he wants to spend a lot of time with Trump, but not in the Boardroom. Where others have professions, by the way, Andy is listed as "Recent Harvard Graduate," and I just want to point out that that is not a profession. That is a status, like "Just Ate Dinner."
Skyline porn. We arrive at the gold-plated Trump Tower, where the candidates make their way into their pretend suite. This year, their pretend suite is Suite 5, instead of Suite 4. It looks an awful lot like Suite 4, though. They all admiringly walk around their new faboo pad, enjoying the cheap-ass furnishings that are really attractive and are carefully designed to have a shelf life precisely as long as they are intended to be on camera. "This is bigger than my dorm room," Andy comments. What, the apartment? Hilarious. Shut it, Harvard. As everyone does introductions, Andy comments on Raj's pants, calling them "on fire," as opposed to "inadvisably pleated." As Raj and Pamela meet, he tells her how intimidating he finds it to talk to a woman who's a lot taller than he is. I hate that so much. Do guys think women aren't bright enough to get the difference between a genuine statement of insecurity and that kind of smirking, condescending bullshit? Because we are. And I know that, even though I'm not tall. "Get used to that feeling," Pamela says with a gregarious smile just because she can, and this is where I just know Sars starts to love her a little bit. He tells her he's going to "wear platform shoes like Joseph Stalin." I didn't even know Joseph Stalin wore platform shoes. Just another similarity between him and Tom Cruise.