Apprentice
Toying With Disaster

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Welcome back, suck-ups

The teams all mingle, and Bradford taunts the other guys for picking a "feminine" name. For fuck's sake, the team is called Mosaic. You'd think they named it The Pink Frilly Panties. Raj, with no team spirit whatsoever, once again pipes up about how he hates the name. Time to shut up, prick. The women of the brilliantly named "Apex" play right into it, cackling at the utter hilarity of the word Mosaic, which I think very few of them could define if push came to shove, except to be like, "They did one on Trading Spaces where Hildi broke a bunch of expensive dishes, I think." "Hey, dude," says one of the women to Raj, "Save your energy on the clothes and fight for the name a little bit more." Heh. They've blown the name insanely out of proportion, but still...burn. Jennifer C. (Leggy Brunette) says in an interview that she just could not wait for the guys to tell Trump their name. "Gawwwd," she says, right out of your ninth-grade geometry class, "you're the guys." She totally has no idea what that word means. Furthermore, I repeat, they didn't call the team Kotex. There is nothing inherently feminine about a mosaic. It's a piece of art, idiot. Twee, perhaps, but not girly. Raj grumbles off to bed, complaining that he "got [his] ass handed to [him]." I only wish that were more true.

The next morning, the black princess phone rings in S5, and they learn that they're to meet Trump the next morning at Toys 'R' Us at 8:00 AM. We next see them arriving at the store, where they are gathered and Trump arrives. And Raj, because he's himself, has decided to carry an unnecessary cane. My exhaustion with him only grows more intense. Outside, Trump pulls up, blows off Rona on the phone, and heads inside. He says good morning to the assembled horde, and asks for the team names. Apex! "Sounds good," Trump says. Mosaic! "Mosaic? Wow, that's awful." Trump doesn't know what it is, either. I think he thinks it's Moses' brother. Because I just can't believe...I mean, how studly is "Mar-a-Lago"? Trump asks the members of Mosaic if they all like the team name, and Raj -- showing disloyalty that is not going to endear him to Trump, and thus falling into an obvious trap -- gripes about hating the name. Speaking of things that will not endear Raj to Trump, Trump now says, "What are you carrying the cane for? You look like you have two very good legs to me." Raj has no idea what to say to this, because the answer is, "I think it makes me seem cool and interesting, which I do not know how to accomplish in any other way," which is a very embarrassing thing to admit. "The team likes the name," Pamela says firmly. Trump likes that from her, you can tell, and he comments that it was "very decisive." He asks Pamela how she got to be on the men's team, and she confirms that she stepped up to "take a bullet for the women." Heh. Bradford says he did the same thing, but says he doesn't consider it "taking a bullet," because he thinks he "did all right."

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Apprentice

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