Trading Places

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Somewhere Beyond The Flea

Boyfriend Bill and Troy talk outside, and Boyfriend Bill says that he doesn't want to look back on the experience and feel like the guys "cut each other's throats." He and Troy exchange a quick hug of the "I like you just enough to tolerate you for my own purposes, mwah-hah-ha" variety, and Troy says that the men are "still a team." Troy interviews that they're all very competitive guys, and that they're on a streak of four consecutive losses, so obviously, that hurts. There's really not much more for the guys to do except change the name of their team to Job. Elsewhere, Katrina asks Nick whether he's looking to "prove that men can still prevail," and he says he is. "I feel your pain," she grins, for no particular reason. I don't know; maybe she also wants to prove that men can still prevail. Nick interviews that Trump basically put it to him last time to lead the team this time, and he says that when he delivers the win, it'll be especially satisfying and make him look especially good on the heels of the four defeats. The sun -- oh, sorry, the Trump National Sun -- sets and rises. Oooh, pretty -- gold-plated.

The next morning, Assorama answers the jangling silver phone. I kind of wish she'd pick it up and say, "This is Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth," but then the show would be over. Actually, if she said, "Hello, you have reached Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, good morning," she'd have a haiku. Anyway, she's told that all the candidates have to meet with Trump in the Boardroom in one hour, and that the project managers should sit directly in front of Donald. Boyfriend Bill is just waking up and looking at his watch. I think they're not so much with the early rising in S4. It's all that late-night "strategizing." Everybody gets up and gets ready, with the blow-drying and the eyeliner and the plotting of one's future as a guest on Hollywood Squares. Kristi interviews that she was excited to "see what was coming next." Hey, it's morning. Maybe there will be Pop-Tarts.

Everyone strolls into the Boardroom. Carolyn and someone who is not George sit at the ends of the table, and then Trump walks in. He tells them that "George is on a big important business trip," which I guess the candidates are not smart enough to understand, and he says that instead, Bernie Diamond -- one of Donald's many lawyers -- will be sitting in. Feh. Bernie is no George. He kind of looks like the guy who would try take George's job and find himself abruptly crushed under the wheels of George's Giant Caddy of Justice. Trump next summarizes that it's only the fifth week of a thirteen-week process, and that the men are already toast. (He doesn't say "toast," but again, I think I am on a breakfast theme.) Therefore, there's now going to be what Trump calls a "corporate reshuffle." Kristi and Nick -- in whom Trump obviously has taken a special interest -- will now choose teams. Nick has to start by choosing a woman, and Kristi has to start by choosing a man. Each team will wind up with two men and four women. Nick's first pick is Amy -- good choice. Kristi's first pick is Troy -- not a bad pick, but not the right pick, either. The right pick was Boyfriend Bill, and it would be totally obvious, had she been paying attention. Trump makes a big deal out of how surprised he is by that pick, which I think does two things: (1) insults Troy; and (2) expresses that Trump agrees with me about Boyfriend Bill, because I'm pretty sure he's not saying he can't believe Kristi didn't pick Kwame. Nick leaps at the chance to pick Boyfriend Bill now, for himself. (Oh, not like that.) (That would be a good episode, though. Hey, they did promise nookie next week.) Kristi picks Jessie, which I think is a pick based on friendship, because...Jessie? Although honestly, I like so few of the women that I'm not sure once Nick took Amy that there was very much Kristi could have done. Pick...Katrina, maybe, but after that? Yeah. The pickings, they are slim, and they all involve a generous side helping of crazy. Nick takes Katrina, and Kristi takes Kwame. Nick picks Ereka; Kristi picks Heidi. Nick looks back and forth between Tammy and Assorama -- looking like he's thinking there must be another girl he can pick from -- but he finally picks Tammy, leaving Assorama to Kristi's team. The killer thing about that process was that there's a big, big drop-off between the best available guy -- Boyfriend Bill -- and the rest of the guys. There's also a big drop-off between the best woman -- Amy -- and the rest of the women. Kristi managed to miss out on the one of those at which she had a shot, so Nick got both of them. Furthermore, Kristi took Heidi. On purpose. And almost made it look like a sane decision. How can the women be winning when they all seem like dopes? Anyway, Kristi's team is still called Protégé, and Nick's is still VersaCorp.

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