Apprentice
Travel Sweepstakes Smackdown

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Lesson Six: Accessibility Is Never Politically Incorrect

Then something happens. And it's kind of like a boardroom, where you want to look away but you can't, except you can look away, so you do. And it involves three things going on simultaneously. Thing One: Everybody jets and leaves Tim and Nicole alone in the pool, and they are drunk as SHIT, and they make out, and it's awkward and gross, but even drunk Tim can kiss. Thing Two: Nicole is interviewing some self-hyping BS about "poor Tim and his persistence" and how she finally let him kiss her, or whatever. Thing Three: Tim interviewing some wide-eyed BS about how one side of him was like "do it!" and the other side was like "what are you doing?!"

And it's like neither one of them has ever seen TV before, because: this is nothing new. What you're doing is proving something, because you've got something to prove, and you're proving it on national broadcast. I don't know what it is, I mean I have some guesses, but I don't really know -- all I know is that the second you say to me, "I don't know why I'm doing this," without even meaning to, my eyes are going to flick to the eighteen cameras pointed at you, and back again. Hopefully faster than you notice, but maybe not. And that's why you're doing this, and that's between you and God, but I hope whatever the reason is, doing this on TV helped you with it, and you proved whatever you're trying to prove, because love and passion may be limitless and know no timetable, and you might spend most of the six weeks filming drunk, but you're there to be on TV, and you're playing a character, and you're directing this character as much as the editing is, and the fact is that -- I mean, I'm going on how I would feel about all this -- you spend so much time thinking about what you don't wanna give the camera, because you don't want it used against you in the story...but after the fact you're going to pretend temporary insanity? I'm not buying. I'm not criticizing or attacking, beyond the fact that disingenuous bullshit pisses me off, I'm just saying: figure out why you needed to make out with each other on TV. That's all I'm asking. It's kind of a trick question because it has more questions in it than are perhaps at first apparent. Some of which probably have been at the root of similarly unexplainable behavior, some of which might be really old and really boring, all of which you should have answered by now.

Aimee blah blahs at the Kinetic Kids about how she's "sad and stressed about everything" because somebody has to go, and it's going to be weird no matter who it is, but especially if it's her, because she's going to freak out. She talks about how she doesn't want to bash Jenn, but the fact is that she knew that the mall was half-Hispanic and yet did not address that, meaning that it's all Jenn's fault. And you know what, I don't even need to go off on a thing here, because racial profiling is a thorny issue but it's not that thorny, really, and either you get it or you don't get it, or you are interested in using discussing it as a pretext for your own casual racism, or as an aversive way of expressing your ignorance racism while thinking you can hide behind it as rational discourse (a la "Black people can use the N word, so why can't white people?"), and none of those things I'm really into talking about this week, so whatever. Either you get it, or you're an asshole, basically, and I'm not writing it down for the benefit of either of those groups. Aimee tells us at length about how great she did, and how she "managed the team the way they wanted," but they totally turned on her and were uncreative and rolled eyes and pointed fingers, and also Jenn is a bitch. So then she goes to Jenn, and Jenn tells her to shove it, because reporting to Aimee what her own eyeballs can see shouldn't be anybody's responsibility on a team, and she interviews that Aimee is making a big mistake bringing any of this to her door, considering the marked and documentable failures that Aimee specializes in. They have a short, civil conversation, and Aimee stalks off, and Jenn takes a sip from a water bottle and waits for Aimee to bring it on. It's pretty great.

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Apprentice

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