MONDO EXTRAS

Later, Donald returns to the Trumpartment -- in his pink tie! -- to find Ivana doing something-or-other with the marble for the bathrooms, and I really couldn't tell you what, unfortunately. They bicker over her drive to do everything herself, meaning that in a two-hour movie about the entire rise and fall of Donald Trump, we are now watching a scene about Ivana's inability to delegate. I smell misplaced priorities. "Sometimes, you forget that I am a voooman, yes?" she asks him. "But you never let me forget that you are a man." Somebody got paid to write that, kids. Lie down and weep. Anyway, Ivana gripes that her work is just as important as his, and then there's more bickering, and this is how their marriage breaks down, so watch closely. Just as this is happening, Trump receives a call from Papa-T. A fateful call, you might even say. Because in this fateful call, he learns that Freddy has bitten the dust. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Freddy is no longer with us, having suffered a massive heart attack just after serving his main purpose in the storyline. It's very sad that this really happened to poor Freddy, and even sadder that it seems like such a cheap plot device in this particular setting. Ivana tries to comfort Trump, but he's having none of it. And then, there is humming on the soundtrack, because singing without words is what happens when someone dies.

We suddenly appear to skip forward in time two years, according to some very clumsy dialogue, to where Trump is attending the opening of Trump Tower, and in the limo, he's telling Peter that Freddy "could have been saved." You know how he could have been saved? By being renamed. If they had called him the Trump Freddy Trump, rather than just Freddy Trump, he could have been rescued, don't you think? At any rate, Peter finally makes Trump head inside, which he does, with full slo-mo of mourning and quiet sadness, and then we are inside, where it is time for Trump to explain that the Trump Tower is the most awesome building in New York. Trump says awkwardly that Freddy was "instrumental" in all his projects, which is entirely apropos of entirely nothing, and then he encourages everyone to eat the hors d'oeuvres. Nice. "My dead brother was awesome. Have a stuffed mushroom!" That wouldn't be awkward at all.