MONDO EXTRAS

Trump is seen rattling around in what I guess is supposed to be his dumpy New York pad, which he lives in because he loves this city. Loves it!

Now, Donald pays a nervous visit to Mr. Eichler, an apparent financier, whom Donald is attempting to talk into investing in a large project. "You're a very tenacious young man!" Eichler remarks, as he must, and young Donald trails on his heels, talking all about the underdeveloped Penn Central rail yards, and how they're waiting to be ravaged, and Donald thinks he's just the man to do it. He wants to build an enormous apartment complex, but Eichler isn't keen on it. He wants to build a convention center instead. Donald immediately switches gears, stammering that that's okay also, and he can work on that instead. Eichler accuses Trump of being "someone's son," leading Donald to remark meaningfully that "every man is some other man's son." I pause the recording while I reflect on that for a moment and enjoy a handful of salty pretzels. Then, back to the movie, which seems even less substantive now that I remember what it means to enjoy things of substance, such as pretzels. Eichler tells Trump that for his first deal, he should start smaller. "Smaller is easier," he argues weakly like the straw man that he is. "No, it isn't!" Trump says with rhetorical guns blazing. And then there's some metaphorical discussion of Christopher Columbus, but if we stop for every piece of figurative hoo-hah in this movie, we will get through it sometime around Easter 2007. Suffice it to say that Eichler winds up being asked whether he would rather have a whole new world or a bowl of fruit salad. See? Sometimes, it's more fun just to open your eyes and wake up at the destination, rather than looking out the window the whole time. Eichler tells Trump that if he can round up the support of Mayor Beame for the project, they'll be off to the races. This, of course, is an ultimatum delivered in a hateful, you-will-never-pick-all-the-lentils-out-of-the-fireplace-Cinderelly kind of way.

Eichler is sleeping when his phone rings, and when he groggily answers, he is told that his limo has arrived. But he didn't order one! What could be happening? In the limo, he finds breakfast, most prominently featuring two orange slices. Wow. That's confidence-inspiring. I can't imagine what could go wrong with this multimillion-dollar real-estate project unless someone gets crazy and wants a donut. Anyway, Eichler is brought to what seems to be the mayor's office, where Beame assures him that he will throw his support behind "whatever Fred and Donald Trump want." And then before you know it, our hero Donald Trump is appearing at a press conference at an ugly and undeveloped site, where he tells everyone that this is the future site of a yooge convention center. "People will be amazed," he promises. I have to say, I do give Louis credit for the fact that without sounding like he's trying too hard to sound exactly like Trump, he does have something about the halting, weird cadence just right.