Trump: Unauthorized

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We now move to Trump's office, where he is working on a great idea that will one day be a little something called...Trump Tower. And he's selling it to a Boardroom (seriously) full of guys, making the case by promising them a tax abatement (more public finance talk -- HOT) in the amount of $40 million. We learn a little bit about how diabolical (?) Donald Trump can really be when he tells his architect that the sketches look terrific, but that he needs another set of plans for "the ugliest freaking building that you can come up with." The architect looks befuddled, because Trump has almost always seen the worst buildings he can come up with just in the normal course of their working together and his efforts to meet Trump's specifications, but the architect agrees, because he doesn't want to be dangled out a window by his feet. Trump now meets with a representative of Tiffany, which is located next to the planned site. He demands the air rights needed to build the glorious Trump Tower he has planned, and vows that if he doesn't get them, he will build...that's right. The ugliest freaking building that you can come up with. And apparently, this plan works, because we immediately find ourselves in a bar -- again -- where Donald is regaling a group of bored, annoyed men led up by a snoozing Peter Wennik with his tale of victory over Tiffany (whatever), as they all stare dumbfounded at a model of Trump Tower. Everyone toasts, or something, and it's amazing how there is so much happening in this movie and so little happening in this movie, all at the same time. I think the point is that Trump Tower is now going to be built, provided they can get the city to go along with the tax abatement. Shockingly -- not -- this is the cue for the poor guy stuck playing Ed Koch to stroll in and start shaking hands and asking, as he must, "How'm I doin'?" He approaches the table where Trump is sitting, but the two acknowledge each other only minimally. So...again, a moment in which the punch line is that nothing occurs. There might have been something else that would have been more useful to see, although I'm just guessing. At the Trump offices, Papa-T is listening to a rant from Donald about how much he hates Ed Koch, and how the only way to help is to go back in time and keep Koch's parents from mating. "Koch" and "mating" do not belong in a sentence, I acknowledge, so I apologize for that. Anyway, Koch now gives an interview in which he suggests that he doesn't support the abatement for Trump Tower, and then we learn that, indeed, it has been refused. Trump goes on a rampage in the general direction of his beleaguered friend Peter, all stomping and complaining about how he's going to be stuck in court forever trying to get his abatement sorted out. "This is not gonna happen to me! Keep pushing!" he orders. And push is just what Wennik does, because the next time we see Trump, he is sitting on his couch and the guy on the news is expositing that Trump has decided to sue the city for $138 million based on the refusal to grant the abatement. Koch is railing on the screen about how unfair it all is, and Ivana is crawling around with drawings and books in the space between Trump and the TV, apparently working on her decorating mojo or something. Trump asks her if anyone would believe that Sophia Loren or Prince Charles and Lady Diana would want apartments in the new building if it weren't wonderful. She asks playfully whether Charles and Di have really expressed any interest, and Trump admits that they haven't, but insists they will. They will! And then he adds, "Or they'll say 'no comment,' which is just as good." It is? It is! Whatever. I'm still very confused. It's not that I don't understand about dream projects ("Ladies and gentlemen...Dragonair!"), but Trump does seem prone to losing his senses just a bit when it comes to his own great works. "Would you like to be making love, Donald?" Ivana asks matter-of-factly. It's all about the romance with these two, I tell you. He says yes, so they are to be making love -- but before they can get a move on, she says something about "the vindows" and calls off the whole thing. Donald grumps that there are times he forgets she's his wife, or that she's a woman. She doesn't listen, but tells him to just go in the bedroom and "make warm in the bed." Again? Spicy!

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