Apprentice
Trump: Unauthorized

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Trumptastic!
Wennik boards the Trumpicopter. There is more humming on the soundtrack, and you know what that means. Yes, it's time for more death. And this time, it comes in the form of a call Donald receives as he's lolling around a bedroom with a pink-clad Marla. She's babbling on about her TV work, and she's telling him she loves him, and she's asking him whether he's "spiritual." Incidentally, Marla is being made to look highly ridiculous, which again would appear to be the Ivana DeWitt factor kicking in, or the fact that Gwenda is an Ivana sympathizer. At any rate, the death call comes, revealing to Trump that Wennik hasn't shown up in Atlantic City for the meeting where he was expected. And you know why? Because as it turns out, the helicopter went down. We watch an impromptu meeting with the employees at which Ivana explains that Peter and two others, in addition to the pilot and co-pilot, died when the plane went down. The meeting breaks up when Donald receives a phone call from a reporter who questions Trump, who tells the reporter that he was planning to be on the helicopter, but wound up not going along. This means that there are headlines -- with humming -- about how Trump cheated death. There is some implication that this isn't true, but because of the fictionalization and time compression, it's not clear that we would have seen it if it were true, so some of the impact of the dark implications is lost. To say the least. Who knew that unstructured, terrible writing would have negative implications for the development of dramatic tension? Trump opens another building, and he devotes it to the memories of Wennik and the others, sort of. This movie grows stranger and stranger, and I'm very glad that we're approaching the late stages. Oh, you didn't know? Well, we are. Don't panic. In the only part of the movie I thought was remotely interestingly made, we now watch a montage in which the beleaguered Ivana DeWitt undergoes a series of cosmetic surgeries, while a primping Marla Maples enjoys her youth and beauty while trying to dodge the hungry, aggressive, unrelenting press. Oh, and the Taco version of "Puttin' On The Ritz" is playing, which is awesome. Rhapsody allowed me to listen to it while writing this, because it is part of the album The Best Of Taco. No, really. And that album also contains renditions of "Singin' In The Rain" and, remarkably, "Chattanooga Choo-Choo." They sound exactly like "Puttin' On The Ritz," only weirder. I KNOW! I really, really don't understand Taco, but I'm glad he's returned to my life. Anyway, the press accosts Marla. Surgeons cut Ivana. Can you see how Donald makes everyone suffer even when they love him? Kind of like Taco, actually.

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Apprentice

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