Apprentice
Trump: Unauthorized

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Trumptastic!
And now the music changes, and we find ourselves in Papa-T's office many years later, where Donald is complaining about the pain in the ass that is working for his father. Donald is busy insisting that Manhattan is still where it's at, and his father is insisting that New York City is dead. Dead! They've done up poor Justin Louis in a sort of wavy, unkempt 'do, by the way, which isn't doing him any favors. Anyway, the conversation escalates, and they yell at each other, and Donald stomps off. But first, he pauses at the door and says, "Love you, Dad!" "Love you, son!" Papa-T says right back. Because they love each other, even though they sometimes argue. "Call your mother later!" Papa-T adds, because that "Haw!" of an ending is included in The Great Big Book Of Domestic Exposition, from which this sequence was taken. Damn you, Executive Producer: Barbara Lieberman! There is now a credit informing us that this movie is based on two books. One is Donald Trump: Master Apprentice, by Gwenda Blair. The other is The Trumps: Three Generations That Built An Empire…by Gwenda Blair. Gwenda is an enthusiast. Trump is seen rattling around in what I guess is supposed to be his dumpy New York pad, which he lives in because he loves this city. Loves it! Now, Donald pays a nervous visit to Mr. Eichler, an apparent financier, whom Donald is attempting to talk into investing in a large project. "You're a very tenacious young man!" Eichler remarks, as he must, and young Donald trails on his heels, talking all about the underdeveloped Penn Central rail yards, and how they're waiting to be ravaged, and Donald thinks he's just the man to do it. He wants to build an enormous apartment complex, but Eichler isn't keen on it. He wants to build a convention center instead. Donald immediately switches gears, stammering that that's okay also, and he can work on that instead. Eichler accuses Trump of being "someone's son," leading Donald to remark meaningfully that "every man is some other man's son." I pause the recording while I reflect on that for a moment and enjoy a handful of salty pretzels. Then, back to the movie, which seems even less substantive now that I remember what it means to enjoy things of substance, such as pretzels. Eichler tells Trump that for his first deal, he should start smaller. "Smaller is easier," he argues weakly like the straw man that he is. "No, it isn't!" Trump says with rhetorical guns blazing. And then there's some metaphorical discussion of Christopher Columbus, but if we stop for every piece of figurative hoo-hah in this movie, we will get through it sometime around Easter 2007. Suffice it to say that Eichler winds up being asked whether he would rather have a whole new world or a bowl of fruit salad. See? Sometimes, it's more fun just to open your eyes and wake up at the destination, rather than looking out the window the whole time. Eichler tells Trump that if he can round up the support of Mayor Beame for the project, they'll be off to the races. This, of course, is an ultimatum delivered in a hateful, you-will-never-pick-all-the-lentils-out-of-the-fireplace-Cinderelly kind of way.

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Apprentice

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