Apprentice
Trump: Unauthorized

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Trumptastic!
Eichler is sleeping when his phone rings, and when he groggily answers, he is told that his limo has arrived. But he didn't order one! What could be happening? In the limo, he finds breakfast, most prominently featuring two orange slices. Wow. That's confidence-inspiring. I can't imagine what could go wrong with this multimillion-dollar real-estate project unless someone gets crazy and wants a donut. Anyway, Eichler is brought to what seems to be the mayor's office, where Beame assures him that he will throw his support behind "whatever Fred and Donald Trump want." And then before you know it, our hero Donald Trump is appearing at a press conference at an ugly and undeveloped site, where he tells everyone that this is the future site of a yooge convention center. "People will be amazed," he promises. I have to say, I do give Louis credit for the fact that without sounding like he's trying too hard to sound exactly like Trump, he does have something about the halting, weird cadence just right. "What do you mean, 'name it after us'?" Papa-T asks Donald in a later conversation taking place in the former's office. (Don't try to follow all the transitions too carefully -- this movie is trying to cram in everything that happened to Trump between birth and Burnett, so there's a lot of jumping around.) Donald doesn't know why they can't name it after themselves. "It's not done!" his father says. "Why not?" Donald asks. You know, some men see tacky things that are and ask why; Donald Trump sees tacky things that never were and asks why not. His father insists that the convention center will clearly be a total failure, so there's no point in tying their names to it for all eternity. I don't know about you, but I'm thinking Papa-T would be the best student in his parenting class. "I never should have introduced you to the mayor," Papa-T says scornfully. "It's not going to happen, Donny," he continues, insisting that New York is in an economic freefall, blah dee blah. "You have to step over a body just to buy a pack of cigarettes!" he points out. Manhattan has apparently really improved since this movie was set, because I was there this week for several days, and I didn't step over one body. Papa-T insists that nobody will give money for this ill-conceived boondoggle, meaning that clearly, Papa-T has very limited experience with public financing of construction proposals, a field where "boondoggle" is treated the way normal people treat the words "chocolate" and "free hookers."

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Apprentice

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