Apprentice
Walking Papers

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Walking and Talking

Team Unanimous:
"Your reputation precedes you as the creative one, Aubrey." Clay drawls as he sashays past Aubrey. I don't universally love him, but these are the moments when I really appreciate him. Me-YOW! Anyway, all you really need to know about Team Unanimous is that Aubrey is a total nightmare from start to finish, taking over the task, ordering people around in her Kim K voice, generally being in love with herself and driving Arsenio in particular further and further off the deep end, in a way we won't even be able to measure until the boardroom.

The concept is to do a game-show for their presentation, with Arsenio as the host. Their design idea for the box is to use headshots of themselves, all taken at the local Walgreens. Arsenio hates the photo Aubrey takes of him and wants to use a different one (albeit one that would kind of throw off the uniformity of the other photos, so it's not like Aubrey doesn't have a point, but Aubrey having a point almost always takes a back seat to Aubrey's squeaking obnoxiousness, not to mention her gratuitously nasty interviews where she talks about the wrinkles on Arsenio's face). "She's a narcissistic piece of work," Arsenio says, and that's not even the half of it. On the box, the head shots will be accompanied by testimonials of why they walk: Paul walks to stay healthy, Teresa walks to keep up with her kids, Aubrey walks "to stay hot" (siiiigh), and Arsenio, according to Aubrey ... "is the guy who walked away from show business." So that's the mood she's setting. Clay's hair is DISTRESSED by this Aubrey business.

Their presentation is fun enough, preceded as it is with giant-phony Aubrey huddling everybody for a prayer. During the "game show," Paul gives a personal testimonial about his weight loss, Aubrey does her flirty thing, and Arsenio does a good hosting job. The execs and Allison wonder if the presentation was too heavy on presenting dry facts and figures.

The Boardroom:
Lisa says Lou was "all right" but not great as PM. The responsibility for most of the task fell on the rest of them, and she doesn't think he's "tough" enough. (Trump, unable to grasp that a word might have multiple connotations, can't buy that Lou isn't "tough.") He wonders if maybe he should fire Penn because he wasn't there, but both Lisa and Dee enthuse about his contributions before he left.

Meanwhile, Clay bright-sides his team's spirits, focusing on Arsenio's great leadership. He then says that, of the women, Teresa is "by far" the better team player. Eric Trump is like, "Yeah, I was there; Aubrey is crazy overbearing." Arsenio attempts to be diplomatic, saying you "customize" your style for her, and Clay's all, "She's so full of ideas!" That's one way to put it. Arsenio, in a gratuitous move, for sure, is all, "Sorry, Clay, I didn't hear anything after 'full of...'" So here we go. Trump asks each team to examine each other's box. Aubrey dismisses Forte's "boring" box almost immediately, while Lisa enthuses about Unanimous's packaging, particularly the testimonial quotes. Aubrey brags that she wrote all the quotes, which is what sets Arsenio off for good. He was just looking for a reason, and this was as good as any. He calls her a liar for saying she wrote all the quotes, since he wrote his own, and calls her out for being self-obsessed to the point of destructive. He's relentless.

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Apprentice

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