Embassy Suites' own David! And Jay! I love them! They welcome the people, and backstage there are male models, which are like my favorite variety of people, because they know what they are good at, and they do it, and then they go home and do it some more. For all the talking and overthinking I do, I get along really well with male models for some reason. Vanity is like the international language. It's the same reason I want a Weimaraner. The exact same thought process: "Not until I have a backyard."
Round One: Front Desk. Gold Rush is awesome: a sleek business suit with really loose lines, in a very awesome pinstriped charcoal cashmere, kind of sexy but very versatile, with a green scarf. Synergy is...imagine Britney's flight attendant costume from that video where she did the boob thing. Okay, now tailor the sides from the waist to your pits, so you look pregnant no matter what. Good. Your breasts are looking a little too flattered, so I need you to scoop hell out of the lapel, so the whole décolletage is like heart-shaped. Now, no matter your figure, you're going to look like you're carrying boob fat. Great. Let me see those knees! Hike that shit up! Okay, too far. Add about a five-inch ruffle along the bottom, that's like creped or ruched or something, so that you look like a feather duster with giant hips. And nobbly knees sticking out like Ichabod Crane! Perfect! Roxanne on Round One: "They're more traditional than we are." Austin Scarlett on Round One: "As I live and breathe! I think I have the vapors."
Round Two: Breakfast Cook. Gold Rush is awesome: cargo pants, a loose shirt, lots of pockets, a basic chef's uniform with a modern -- and kind of sexy -- touch. Also a cool hat. The chefs in the audience break into tears of joy. Synergy: Come with me to the Merry Old Land of Oz! Shiny peach smock top, a dress-looking apron with a bright green front pocket like some kind of Holly Hobbie shit like the worst drag queen you ever saw really early in the morning on the bus. Like those ladies that give Dorothy a makeover. Weirdly fitted, and topped with a hilarious and jaunty monkey hat, asymmetrical lines all over the place screaming "Tim Burton was here!" Roxanne on Gold Rush: "Traditional and a bit stuffy...not that different...not cutting edge." Lee on Synergy: "The cooks hated it! Like they were about to vomit!" Gays In Space on Round One: "Not in this house you don't. Not even in space are we that hungry."