Oh, the O-Jays, the merciful O-Jays. In the credits, we learn the following: African-American Woman With Braids is Verna. Secretary-Humper is Alex. Morticia Raspberrysuit is Erin. Quentin's Brother is Michael. Ruffles Girl is Stephanie. Frat President is Todd. Tweedy Suit Girl is Kendra. Guitar Guy is Danny. Bow-Tie Man is Bren. Skinny Blonde is Tana. Round and Jolly is John. Dark Hair is Kristen. Wait, Round and Jolly is actually Brian. I think John was Heavily Moussed. Marcia Crosselganger, who looks nothing like Marcia Cross except in that original taxi shot, is Angie. African-American Woman With Straight Hair is Tara. Wait, maybe Heavily Moussed was Chris. See, I'm all thrown off because Just-Been-Indicted Guy was hidden from me. Goddamn grand jury confidentiality. Pink Sweater Girl is Audrey. African-American Non-Intense Guy is Craig. I apologize for my poor job of explaining who all those people are. If they had given me more than an hour and a half to recover from the last season, it might have gone better. Thanks, scheduling monkeys, for keeping me mired in work. I didn't want to clean my apartment or anything.
Music from a video from the '80s plays as we return to...yes, the New York skyline. Because really, couldn't you look at it all day? At Trump Tower, the elevator doors open, and a guy I feel like I haven't seen up until now, either in the intro or in the credits, steps off. Man, I am in the weeds. Okay, he says he's Chris. That's kind of what I was thinking, although I'd be lying if I claimed I was sure. Robin tells him to put his suitcase aside and wait. Chris explains to us that he's only 21 years old, but he works with super-rich people. And he doesn't see failure as an option, because you can't very well allow yourself to fail when you work with the rich, now, can you? They'll have you killed by offering their lunch money to the violent who have fallen on hard times. Here comes Erin, who, Sars would note, does not walk well in those heels. "Clomp, clomp," her feet say. Others file in. Tana interviews that while she's "not one to prejudge," she definitely sees some losers among the other candidates. But not in a prejudging kind of way. And just as she says that some of them are not "Mr. Trump material," the doors open, and Danny and his ugly red leisure suit enter the lobby. (Not that there's any other kind of red leisure suit, really.) John explains that Danny apparently "marches to the beat of a different drummer, and apparently, that drummer loves polyester." Hee. The Crosselganger -- now back to looking kind of Crossy during this sequence -- eyes Danny with disgust. I feel you, Crosselganger. Bren tells us that he is that most delightful of things -- "a little man with a big mouth." The caption says he is a "prosecutor" as he explains to us that people will underestimate him and put their guard down, and then he will...swoop in, or file a motion in limine, or something. He looks meek, but at night, he becomes Litigatron.