Bachelor

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Lindsay?

By Daniel | Aired on 03.11.2013

Season 21: After the Final Rose - "After the Final Rose" starts with Chris Harrison INTRODUCING HIMSELF, which is I guess for all those viewers who decided not to watch the finale but wanted to check out ATFR, which my brain always erroneously wants to read...

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RECAPS, WEECAPS, AND MORE

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21-13 Weecap	How Do You Solve a Problem Like Lindsay? Season 21: After the Final Rose - In a genuinely surprising epilogue, it turns out the happy couple is for not once not trying to hide the fact they broke up the moment the cameras stopped rolling but are in fact planning to get married (on ABC, naturally).	03.11.2013	F	Daniel
Ep.	Title	Air/Pub'l	Grade	Author
21-12 Weecap	It Seems Like There's A Hole In My Dreams The Season 17 Finale - Sean picks Catherine, having thought long and hard which of his girlfriends will eventually be the hottest old chick.	03.11.2013 03.12.2013	F	Daniel
21-11 Weecap	The Fifty Ways I Heaved My Lovers Season 21: The Women Tell All - Tierra says she's sorry if the other women were expecting her to "be friendly" or "not treat them with contempt" or "display a basic level of familiarity with the rules of courtesy and politeness we expect even toddlers to have in our society."	03.04.2013 03.05.2013	F	Daniel
21-10 Weecap	We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off Overnight Dates - AshLee gets the best exit of the season: A hate-filled glare that curdles Sean's very soul, as he — without explanation — goes cold on her, despite having cast himself as the protector of her fragile psyche.	02.25.2013 02.26.2013	F	Daniel
21-9 Weecap	Damage Control Freak Sean Tells All - Just because we only ever see Sean being mean and stupid, that doesn't mean he is mean and stupid, guys. If anything, Sarah should apologize to him!	02.19.2013 02.20.2013	F	Daniel
21-8 Weecap	Phony! Phoni! Phoné! Season 21, Episode 8 - It appears that after several seasons that produce tawdry tabloid magazine covers but not marriages, America's families are becoming a little more skeptical of the dilettante in their midst. Sean punishes Desiree for having a brother who sized Sean up exactly right.	02.18.2013 02.19.2013	F	Daniel
21-7 Weecap	Welcome to the Tierradome 2013-02-11 - Tierra discovers that there are only so many times you can play the "I'm an emotional train wreck who resorts to faking injuries and tear to manipulate people" card so many times before even a cementhead like Sean reaches his limit.	02.11.2013 02.12.2013	A+	Daniel
21-6 Weecap	If We Don't Get A Rose, The Tierrarist Wins Season 21, Episode 6 - Sean, Sarah may have only one arm on the outside, but you've got only one arm in your heart. Now GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY.	02.05.2013 02.06.2013	F	Daniel
21-5 Weecap	Do Not Pass Goat Season 21, Episode 5 - Sean doesn't think it's fair that women have to go home just because they lose the challenges he sets out for them. And it's certainly not fair that no one likes Tierra just because she's a monster to everyone.	02.04.2013 02.04.2013	F	Daniel
21-4 Weecap	Nights of Whine and Roses Season 21, Episode 4 - Sean organizes a roller derby match and is impressed not by the one-armed Sarah's determination, not by the faceplanting Amanda's enthusiasm, but by Tierrable's tears and whining.	01.28.2013 01.29.2013	F	Daniel
21-3 Weecap	She’s Crazy For Trying and Crazy for Crying Season 21, Episode 3 - Somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright. The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light. And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout. But there is no joy in Clarksville; mighty Kacie has struck out.	01.21.2013 01.22.2013	F	Daniel
21-2 Weecap	Pranks for the Memories Season 21, Episode 2 - Ha ha! Joke's on you! You're on The Bachelor!	01.14.2013 01.15.2013	F	Daniel
20-1 Weecap	Broken Hearts, Broken Rules Season 20, Episode 1 - Sean breaks with tradition and just starts handing out roses whenever he feels like it. Anarchy ensues.	01.07.2013 01.08.2013	F	Daniel
20-12 Weecap	Rose Before Hos After the Final Rose - ime between proposal and when it became clear that the preceding two hours was even more of a waste of time than usual: about two minutes.	03.12.2012 03.13.2012	F	Daniel
20-11 Weecap	Swiss Cheese Ben Gives Out His Final Rose - We spend two hours to watch Ben dither over two women, when in reality he made his decision the moment Courtney took her clothes off.	03.12.2012 03.13.2012	F	Daniel
20-10 Weecap	Bartha Barcy Ben Barlene The Women Tell All - Haunted by painful memories and increasing paranoia, damaged women struggle to reassimilate with their families after fleeing an abusive cult.	03.05.2012 03.06.2012	F	Daniel
20-9 Weecap	Thank U 4 a Funky Time, Darling Nicki Season 20, Episode 9: Fantasy Suites - It's the overnight dates! Bom chicka wow wow. Kacie shows up to ask "Whyyyyyyyy" but at least she got to go to Switzerland without having to sleep with Ben.	02.27.2012 02.28.2012	F	Daniel
20-8 Weecap	Kacie and the Sunshine, Banned Season 20, Episode 8: Hometown Visits - Ben visits the hometowns of the remaining women, for awkward conversations with fathers who clearly want to murder Ben but also want to support their daughters.	02.20.2012 02.21.2012	F	Daniel
20-7 Weecap	I Belize in Miracles, You Sexy Thing Season 20, Episode 7: Belize - There's ain't enough room in Belize for Emily and Courtney. Guess who Ben keeps? Hint: it's not the one who prefers to keep her clothes on.	02.13.2012 02.14.2012	F	Daniel
20-6 Weecap	There Is No Joy in Panama, Mighty Casey Has Struck Out Season 20, Episode 6: Panama - Trauma counselors are called in when it's revealed that Casey is in love with someone other than Ben.	02.06.2012 02.07.2012	F	Daniel
20-5 Weecap	I've Got You Under My Skinny Dipping Season 20, Episode 5 - Courtney makes a power play in the best way she can think of. No, it's not her sparkling conversation skills or her intellect. It's taking her clothes off.	01.30.2012 01.31.2012	F	Daniel
20-4 Weecap	It's Raining, Ben. Hallelujah! Season 20, Episode 4 - Emily decides to tell Ben what an awful person Courtney is. You know, the same Courtney who Ben keeps giving roses to.	01.23.2012 01.24.2012	F	Daniel
20-3 Weecap	Shawntel? More like "Yawntel," amirite? Season 20, Episode 3 - Shawntel couldn’t stand the thought of Ben being on television without her, so she joins the gang in San Francisco, taking some time -- judging from the other women’s reactions -- to kill some puppies along the way.	01.16.2012 01.17.2012	F	Daniel
20-2 Weecap	"What Do You Get When You Cross a Gingerbread Man With a Hooker?" Season 20, Episode 2 - Ben goes on a couple of cheap rinky-dink dates in his hometown of Sonoma, and a couple of women end up crying, presumably upset that out of all the bachelors of any of the seasons, they're competing for … well … Ben.	01.09.2012 01.10.2012	F	Daniel
20-1 Weecap	“...And the horse you rode in on.” S20 Season Premiere - Ben, you’re always running here and there. You feel you’re not wanted anywhere.	01.02.2012 01.03.2012	F	Daniel
18-12 Weecap	After the Final Rose After the Final Rose - They've already broken up once. Brad has a temper. Emily doesn't see them getting married any time soon. Another Bachelor season, another fairy-tale ending.	03.14.2011 03.15.2011	F	Daniel
18-11 Weecap	Shouldn't Have Put a Ring On It Brad Chooses The One He Wants To Marry - Time for the final decision, which for Brad is Emily, which means the show begins the awkward shift from pretending the Bachelor has a deep connection to a bunch of women, to pretending that he loved Emily from the very beginning. Looking forward to Brad's next season on The Bachelor!	03.14.2011 03.15.2011	F	Daniel
18-10 Weecap	"It Hurts My Feelings That You're Angry About All the Awful Things I Said About You" Season 18: The Women Tell All - Chris Harrison and Brad Womack want us to believe that Michelle wasn't being mean, she was just being hilaaarious. No one with eyes and ears and a brain is buying it.	03.07.2011 03.08.2011	F	Daniel
18-9 Weecap	"What's Wrong with You? Tell Me." Brad and the Women Go to South Africa - Brad and Ashley figure that, since Brad may propose to her, it's time to get to know each other. This has disastrous consequences for Ashley.	02.28.2011 03.01.2011	F	Daniel
18-7 Weecap	Chantal/Shawntel Brad Goes on Hometown Dates - Brad makes home visits and barely makes it out alive.	02.21.2011 02.22.2011	A	LuluBates
18-7 Weecap	Anguilla = Time Killa Brad and the Women Travel to Anguilla - During a layover in Anguilla, Brad keeps his vow not to string anyone along by harshly dismissing Britt and depriving Michelle of her last drink before the firing squad... er, I mean rose ceremony. Don't mess with a girl's booze, Womack!	02.14.2011 02.15.2011	C	Lady Lola
18-6 Weecap	"Screw Your Courage to the Sticking place, and We'll Not Fail" Brad and the Women Travel to Costa Rica - Chantal tells Brad that she loves him. Brad asks, "What makes you say that?" Not the same thing.	02.07.2011 02.08.2011	F	Daniel
18-5 Recap	"That's What You Get for Waking Up in Vegas" The Remaining Women Travel to Las Vegas - Brad and the women go to Vegas, where they race vroom-vroom cars that go really fast, which naturally makes Emily think of Ricky (like everything does).	01.31.2011 02.01.2011	F	Daniel
18-4 Weecap	"The Life Aquatic with Brad Womack" Brad And A Date Enjoy Catalina Island - Brad takes the women to see Dr. Drew, who probably wishes he was analyzing someone less reprehensible, like Warren the Ape.	01.24.2011 01.25.2011	F	Daniel
18-3 Weecap	"It Puts the Lotion on Its Skin or Else It Gets the Hose Again." Brad and a Date Record a Duet - Is there anyone on this season of The Bachelor who doesn't have daddy issues?	01.17.2011 01.18.2011	F	Daniel
18-2 Weecap	"It's My Birthday and I'll Behave Like a Soul-Sucking Harridan If I Want To" Brad and a Date Get Closer - When even women who go on The Bachelor are sick of your whining and complaining, it's time for you to go. That means you, Melissa and the Manscaper.	01.10.2011 01.11.2011	F	Daniel
18-1 Weecap	You Give Love a Brad Name Brad Womack Starts the Dating Process - Brad Womack's back on The Bachelor, and a bunch of people pretend he needs to be ashamed of not proposing to Jenni or DeAnna.	01.03.2011 01.04.2011	F	Daniel
9-10 Weecap	Every Rose Has Its Thorn After the Rose - Tenley gets trotted out for Chris Harrison's amusement and Jake and Vienna snog publicly.	03.01.2010 03.02.2010	A+	LuluBates
14-9 Weecap	Oh Captain, My Captain Season Finale - Captain Jake picks his soul mate based on pixie dust and magical sparks.	03.01.2010 03.02.2010	A+	LuluBates
14-8 Weecap	Touched by a Bachelor The Women Tell All - Time for the annual rehabilitation of the images! Ali fails to remind everyone why they initially liked her, Michelle comes off a lot better, and Rozlyn comes off worse. Also, Harrison uses the phrase "sexy new phenomenon" with a straight face.	02.22.2010 02.23.2010	D	Daniel
14-7 Weecap	Poor Baby Jake Trip to the Island of St. Lucia - Jake goes on the overnight sexy sex dates with his three remaining bachelorettes, while Ali pulls an Ed and tries to get back on the show. Jakey don't play that, though. You don't get a second chance to hurt Jake, Ali!	02.15.2010 02.16.2010	D	Daniel
14-6 Weecap	Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon (Hopefully) Jake Meets the Bachelorettes' Families - Ali pulls an Ed and tells Jake she'll be fired if she doesn't go back to work. Jake pretends to leave it up to her, but when it seems like she's not going to give up her job, he urges her to stay. Not cool, not fair, not realistic, not at all supportive. What is wrong with people?	02.08.2010 02.09.2010	D	Daniel
14-5 Weecap	I Lost My Lunch in San Francisco Jake Spends a Week in San Francisco - How do you make the dates seem even more pointless than normal? Remove the possibility of elimination from the equation.	02.01.2010 02.02.2010	D	Daniel
14-4 Weecap	Plenty of Cheese with the Wine Trip Up the Coast of California - The show takes a Rock of Love: Bus turn this week (not as awesome as it sounds) that ends in a lot of Vienna disparagement and Jake improvising by sending about 19 women home in an epic Rose Ceremony BLOODBATH (again, not as awesome as it sounds).	01.25.2010 01.26.2010	D	Daniel
14-3 Weecap	Unfunny People Jake Takes One Woman Bungee Jumping - Jake wets his pants over going bungee jumping with Vienna, and then they spend the next eight days congratulating each other for being awesome. The women get some comedy tips from Jon Lovitz, who then talks about his crotch.	01.18.2010 01.19.2010	D	Daniel
14-2 Weecap	Roz for Termination The Women Move Into The Mansion - The dates include flying, an amusement park, and the band Chicago being exhumed for a private concert. And then an inappropriate staffer enters into Rozlyn.	01.11.2010 01.12.2010	D	Daniel
14-1 Weecap	Landing Strip Season 14 Premiere - The airplane puns are out of control, and Jake has a strong aversion to shirts. Welcome to the new season of The Bachelor.	01.04.2010 01.05.2010	B+	Angel Cohn
13-11 Weecap	Good Golly, Miss Molly After the Final Rose Pt. 2 - I won't fall for the oldest trick in the book, so don't sit there and think you're off of the hook by saying there is no point changing 'cause that's just what you are.	03.03.2009 03.04.2009	D	Daniel
13-10 Weecap	Don't Let the Bastard Grind You Down After the Final Rose Pt. 1 - Maybe I've forgotten the name and the address of everyone I've ever kissed; there's nothing I regret.	03.02.2009 03.03.2009	A+	Daniel
13-9 Weecap	Melissa, Will You Be My Fiancée for a Little While? Jason Brings His Son to New Zealand - Jason and his final two head to New Zealand, and Jason agonizes over making his choice -- but not before DeAnna shows up to throw a monkey wrench into the works. Man, ABC managed to keep a lid on THAT twist, didn't they? Jason picks Melissa. For now, anyway.	03.02.2009 03.03.2009	D	Daniel
13-8 Weecap	With Friends Like You, Who Needs Friends? The Women Tell All - And now it's time for my favorite part of the season, the -- what's that say? "The Women Tell All"? Ugh, this is always death.	02.23.2009 02.24.2009	D	Daniel
13-7 Weecap	Catch Me Now I'm Falling, And Falling, And Falling New Zealand - Jason has overnight dates in New Zealand with each of the remaining girls. He and Jillian are on the edge, with Molly he actually falls, and he's in hot water with Melissa.	02.16.2009 02.17.2009	B	Jeff Long
13-6 Weecap	This is What It Sounds Like When Doves Cry Hometown Dates - Ah, the most excruciating part of the season: the time when the bachelor goes to the homes of four perfectly nice families and lies to them about his feelings for their daughters.	02.09.2009 02.10.2009	D	Daniel
13-5 Weecap	Sincerely Yours, Jason Jason Breaks The Rules - Jason's going to have to toughen up a little to be able to eliminate three more women before putting a ring on someone’s finger.	02.02.2009 02.03.2009	D	Daniel
13-4 Weecap	And You Can Tell Everybody This Is Your Song (But You Probably Won’t) Bachelorettes Compose Songs - It’s the most romantic date ever, and the most shocking rose ceremony ever! Jason doesn’t give out the final rose! Well, technically, I suppose what would have been the penultimate rose became the final rose, but... anyway. It’s the most amazing whatever ever!	01.26.2009 01.27.2009	D	Daniel
13-3 Weecap	Chunderstruck Private Performance by Kate Voegele - The sniping continues, with Natalie employing a scorched-earth policy after her ouster, leading to bickering between Lauren and Megan, causing poor, sensitive Shannon to toss her cookies.	01.19.2009 01.20.2009	D	Daniel
13-2 Weecap	The Goodyear Pimp One Woman Makes A Premature Exit - Jillian and Melissa get group dates, earning roses, while Molly stands out in the group date by yanking Jason aside to stick her tongue down his throat.	01.12.2009 01.14.2009	C	Daniel
13-1 Weecap	To Live and Snore In L.A. Jason Mesnick Begins His Search - Jason Mesnick, having already seen first-hand what a great way this show is to find love, comes back on to get his revenge on twenty-five women.	01.05.2009 01.12.2009	D	Daniel
12-9 Weecap	Monkey, Will You Marry Me? "Matt Faces an Excruciating Decision" - Or at least be engaged for a little while until I get sick of your baby voice?	05.12.2008 05.13.2008	D	Daniel
12-8 Weecap	Sweet as Sugar? Or Swedish Hooker? "The Women Tell All" - When you subtract clips from previous episodes and clips from the upcoming season finale, all that's left on this is about five minutes, most of which we saw in previews last week.	05.05.2008 05.06.2008	D	Daniel
12-7 Weecap	Boom Boom Boom Let's Go Back to Matt's Room A Trip to Barbados - Amanda learns that "I'm falling for you/I'm dumping you" cannot both be true. But that's after Chris pimps out her and the other Bachelorettes in Barbados.	04.28.2008 04.29.2008	A+	Daniel
12-6 Weecap	Renegade! Matt Becomes The Victim Of A Prank - Matt meets the family of the four women he's still leading on, I mean, "still has a connection with." Careful when you meet Lorenzo, Matt. He was framed for murder, and now patrols the badlands.	04.21.2008 04.22.2008	C-	Daniel
12-5 Recap	The Women Arrive in Sun Valley, Idaho The Women Arrive in Sun Valley, Idaho - Matt takes the girls on a ski trip, there's lots of falling, and falling in lust, and two girls get left out in the cold.	04.14.2008 04.15.2008	B	Angel Cohn
12-4 Recap	Matt Takes Six Women on a Group Date Matt Takes Six Women on a Group Date - Matt plays tennis with six of the bachelorettes. With sexy results! He has dinner with Marshana and Kelly. With sexy results! He and Amanda go swing dancing. With sexy results!	09.18.2013 04.08.2008	B-	Daniel
12-3 Recap	Three Women Are Eliminated Three Women Are Eliminated - Ten women play rugby on the group date, it's like a stupid Super Bowl halftime event, only lamer. Shayne drinks wine, Holly goes to a movie, and everyone hates Robin.	03.31.2008 04.01.2008	C	Daniel
12-2 Recap	Group Dates: Fashion Show/Las Vegas Group Dates: Fashion Show/Las Vegas - I want to kiss Matt as much as you do. You have succeeded, and I have not. This means you are a whore.	03.24.2008 03.25.2008	D	Daniel
12-1 Recap	London Calling London Calling - Matt Grant and twenty-five bachelorettes meet each other, and the winnowing begins. Acceptable: biting off chunks of aluminum cans. Unacceptable: stuffing your undies in his trousers.	03.16.2008 03.18.2008	C-	Daniel
11-10 Recap	After The Final Rose After The Final Rose - Brad comes back to face his accusers -- Jenni, DeAnna, and Chris Harrison. It doesn't go so well.	11.19.2007 11.21.2007	C-	Sars
11-9 Recap	The Final Two Women Meet Brad's Family The Final Two Women Meet Brad's Family - Aaaaaand then the final two women get negged.	11.18.2007 11.20.2007	B+	Sars
11-8 Recap	The Women Tell All (Season 11) The Women Tell All (Season 11) - "All" does not mean "new" or "interesting." Even Chris Harrison's zingers don't breathe much life into this reunion retread.	11.11.2007 11.13.2007	C-	Sars
11-7 Recap	A Trip To Cabo San Lucas A Trip To Cabo San Lucas - Jenni dances with dolphins, DeAnna speeds through her lines, and the producers finally hear reason on the Bettina question.	11.04.2007 11.06.2007	B-	Sars
11-6 Recap	Brad Meets The Families Brad Meets The Families - Jenni's grandma kicks ass, Bettina's family sucks ass, and Mike Fleiss shows his ass when Sheena gets sent home.	10.28.2007 10.30.2007	B-	Sars
11-5 Recap	A Romantic Gondola Ride A Romantic Gondola Ride - I don't know what gondola ride they were watching, but the one in this episode is really awkward. Not as awkward as Hillary, though. Ohhhhhh, Hillary.	10.21.2007 10.23.2007	B	Sars
11-4 Recap	Brad Takes One On A Helicopter Ride Brad Takes One On A Helicopter Ride - And another three get the heave-ho: Stephy, which is too bad, and the odious Jade and McCarten, which is long overdue.	10.14.2007 10.16.2007	B+	Sars
11-3 Recap	Brad Takes Six Women To The Circus Brad Takes Six Women To The Circus - Then he sics his identical twin Chad on the pre-Rose Ceremony cocktail party. In between, Hillary has a meltdown, Bettina confesses, McCarten is a bitch some more, and Solisa tries too hard.	10.07.2007 10.09.2007	B-	Sars
11-2 Recap	After The Fall After The Fall - After group dates to the racetrack and the beach, Jade, Hillary, and McCarten emerge as front-runners in the Hateable Derby. Michele falls down the stairs -- then out of contention, followed by Erin and Mallory. Jenni and Brad kiss. Solisa is a weirdo.	09.30.2007 10.02.2007	C+	Sars
11-1 Recap	"I Will Find A Wife" An Entrepreneur Looks For Love - Meet Brad Womack. He's ready to settle down, find a nice lady, get married, and repeat himself about that shit twenty-eight squillion times on this season of The Bachelor. Also in this ep: foobs, the human pretzel, and…Melissa. Ohhhhhh, Melissa.	09.23.2007 09.25.2007	C+	Sars
6-3 Recap	Heather Is A Loser Heather Is A Loser - Heather and Mary come back. Heather leaves again.	10.05.2004 10.11.2004	C-	Kim
6-2 Recap	Leina Has Left the Building Leina Has Left the Building - Byron moves into the women's mansion, and Leina splits because she loves someone else. Four more women get eliminated.	09.28.2004 10.03.2004	C+	Kim
6-1 Recap	The Bassmaster The Bassmaster - The women choose Byron, and Byron eliminates ten women.	09.21.2004 09.27.2004	B-	Kim
5-7 Recap	Jesse's Mom Has Got It Going On Djb’s Last Bachelor* Recap Ever, Suckas!* - Whatever. Jesse's castrating, pearl-clutching, evil WASP mom is really only in this episode for a few minutes, but Djb wanted to put that index title there to remind everyone that Fountains Of Wayne is actually a really good band.	05.18.2004 05.20.2004	A+	Djb
5-6 Recap	A Fantasy Suite In The Lincoln Bedroom Taller Than The Washington Monument - Washington D.C.! The birthplace of our nation. And, according to this show, the birthplace of romance. Go there with someone you hate today.	05.11.2004 05.15.2004	A+	Djb
5-5 Recap	A Wrong Turn On The Southern State Gun Shy - Andrews, Texas. Paul's Valley, Oklahoma. Ech. No wonder people hate America.	05.04.2004 05.08.2004	C-	Djb
5-4 Recap	Jenny Jenny, Who Can I Turn To? Marching Orders - Not Jenny, that's who. Because you don't listen, Jesse. BECAUSE YOU DON'T LISTEN!	04.27.2004 05.02.2004	D+	Djb
5-3 Recap	Spy In The House Of Love Spy In The House Of Love - Trish is a whore, and the other women stone her to death.	04.20.2004 04.26.2004	B	Kim
5-2 Recap	Your Trish Your Trish Is On His List Spy Vs. Not Spy - Trish is also in Jesse's pants. And his wallet. And...his heart?	04.13.2004 04.17.2004	D+	Djb
5-1 Recap	The Hell Nine Yards I Spy - Football, basketball, baseball, and equestrian all become one generically uber-sized MegaSport when it comes to mixing metaphors about back-up quarterback Jesse Palmer. We'd call this episode a "touchdown," but we're not sure Jesse's ever gotten one, so he might not know what that is. Also? This episode is not a touchdown.	04.06.2004 04.10.2004	C-	Djb
4-9 Recap	Low Interest Rate Two Become One - One of the remaining two girls fosters a "connection" with Bob's family based on the fact that she does something with mortgages and he does something with mortgages. In the perfect illustration of this episode's inability to hold an audience's attention, Djb can't remember if that was the winner or the loser.	11.18.2003 11.20.2003	A+	Djb
4-8 Recap	Friendster Is For Suckers! The Women Tell All (Season 4) - With a lack of anything better to do during this deathly slow reunion special, Djb resorts to discussing how he can't get laid.	11.11.2003 11.13.2003	A+	Djb
4-7 Recap	Northern Overexposure Me Estella, Eugene - Fantasy Dates to the north, south, and creamy nougat center of North America confirm Mary as the loser, Estella as the dark horse, and Kelly Jo as the perky next-Bachelorette-in-training.	11.04.2003 11.07.2003	B-	Djb
4-6 Recap	¡Hola Again! Death Becomes Them - Why is Mary still on this show? Remove the feeding tube, Florida. It's OVER.	10.28.2003 11.03.2003	C+	Djb
4-5 Recap	Mary, Mary, Why Ya Buggin'? This Is Getting Old - Mary cries crocodile tears, even though Djb is not entirely sure of what "crocodile tears" are. Isn't it when you cry and you're also old, scaly, and reptilian? If so, Mary cries crocodile tears.	10.21.2003 10.23.2003	D+	Djb
4-4 Recap	Divas Live Lee-Ann Freaks Out - Lee-Ann drips diamonds and the other girls drip venom as Bob's least compatible lady sails on a transvestite cruise ship.	10.14.2003 10.17.2003	D+	Djb
4-3 Recap	Skinny Amy It's My Bachelor Party And I'll Cry Because I'm Crazy And/Or Sad About The Sudden Death Of My Grandmother - Bob plugs his band and Djb plugs his ears.	10.07.2003 10.09.2003	C-	Djb
4-2 Recap	No Chris is Good Chris The Chris/Miss Party - It is now officially, contractually sanctioned to find the existence of Chris Harrison worthy of putting us all in a really bad mood.	09.30.2003 10.02.2003	C-	Djb
4-1 Recap	She's A Bad Mama Jama It's So Nice To Finally Meet You! - "Bad" in a good way, of course. After all, this is Bob s mother we're talking about here, and Bob is very close with his family. That's just the way Bob rocks the slang up here in this hizzy.	09.23.2003 09.27.2003	C+	Djb
3-9 Recap	WASP Bites Sibling Bling Rivalry - In a creepy domestic twist on Othello, a man plants the seeds of jealousy inside a previously pure spirit, and the results are...well, Bill-tastic. The next Bachelor? Should totally be Bill.	05.17.2003 05.19.2003	C+	Djb
3-8 Recap	Recapping the Recap The Women Tell All (Season 3) - Previously on The Bachelor...this.	05.13.2003 05.16.2003	C-	Djb
3-7 Recap	Aloha, Oy Bowling For Dullards - Three overnight dates, three discreet camera exits when things get...well, when they get all overnighty. (Okay, two discreet camera exits and one dose of panting.) Adios, Tina Fabulous -- the wispy thread of personality you periodically displayed was far too much for Andrew Firestone, Captain of the S.S. Snoozebomber.	05.06.2003 05.12.2003	C-	Miss Alli
3-6 Recap	I Don't Give a Damn 'Bout the Whole State of Michigan Life (x4) - 'Cause I'm from Ohio. And so is Jen. And maybe some other people, too. Whatever. All those states look the same.	04.29.2003 05.02.2003	C	Djb
3-5 Recap	Seventy-Minute Man Tennis, Everyone? - If you can't tell a story in the time allotted, you need to switch to a genre in which some kind of "overtime" is permitted.	04.22.2003 04.24.2003	D+	Djb
3-4 Recap	So, You Don't Like Italian? When You're Here, You're Family - Andrew will not be having the special, thanks.	04.15.2003 04.19.2003	C+	Djb
3-3 Recap	Djb Hates Rich People Self-Respect, Or Shaq Thereof - And here are about a thousand reasons why.	04.08.2003 04.10.2003	B	Djb
3-2 Recap	Retreading Water Spill The Whine - Even Jesus couldn't turn tires into wine.	04.01.2003 04.03.2003	A+	Djb
3-1 Recap	Welcome to the Steel Wheels Tour The Bachelor Revealed (Season 3) - Because so much is riding on your tires.	03.25.2003 03.29.2003	C-	Djb
2-9 Recap	Congratulations! Now, Go Away. May The Best Ass Win - Aaron asks Helene to marry him. Can we talk about something else now?	11.19.2002 11.24.2002	N/A	Shack
2-8 Recap	14:56...14:57...14:58... The Women Tell All (Season 2) - The rejected women return to blather, bicker, and bore us all with justifications for their desperate, pathetic, or just-plain-crazy behavior. Don't you ladies have a Blind Date casting call to get to?	11.12.2002 11.16.2002	C-	Shack
2-7 Recap	He Did It All for the Nookie Wet, But Not Very Wild - Aaron pretends that he still has doubts about which bachelorette he wants in order to wrangle make-out sessions from the three who are left. Then he dumps Gwen, the one who didn't wave her ass in his face while wearing a bikini.	11.05.2002 11.09.2002	D+	Shack
2-6 Recap	What, No Dowries? Fun For The Whole Family - Gwen's, Helene's, and Brooke's families all think Aaron's great and that he's making their respective loved ones happy. Angela's roommate hates him and her family couldn't care less about him. Guess who gets eliminated?	10.29.2002 11.03.2002	C+	Shack
2-5 Recap	Grim, Scary Tales Cult Of (No) Personality - Gwen plays Cinderella. Heather plays Ursula. Brooke plays (Southern) Belle. Angela and Hayley play those two people in the background who don't get any lines. Helene just plays Aaron.	10.22.2002 10.26.2002	C-	Shack
2-4 Recap	Is That a Pink Sperm Whale Between Your Legs, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me? Week Three - Aaron likes Helene's ass and Brooke's insecurities, but doesn't like Christi's mental instability or Shannon's...something. We never really got to know her, anyway. Brunette Heather slips on her second face when Brooke isn't around. And some women freak because Aaron gave Helene his phone number. Maybe he'll let her wear his letter jacket soon.	10.15.2002 10.22.2002	C+	Shack
2-4 Recap	Is That a Pink Sperm Whale Between Your Legs, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me? Love Means Never Having To Say You're Crazy - Aaron likes Helene's ass and Brooke's insecurities, but doesn't like Christi's mental instability or Shannon's...something. We never really got to know her, anyway. Brunette Heather slips on her second face when Brooke isn't around. And some women freak because Aaron gave Helene his phone number. Maybe he'll let her wear his letter jacket soon.	10.15.2002 10.21.2002	C+	Shack
2-3 Recap	The Witless Bride Leaving Normal - Christi pouts and rolls her eyes and tries to poison Aaron against Suzanne, then has a insane crying hissyfit when Anindita calls her out on it. It's a fairy tale, all right -- one where people get shoved into ovens or mauled by wild animals.	10.08.2002 10.12.2002	B+	Shack
2-2 Recap	Music Hath Charms to Rouse the Savage Breasts Hello. I Love You. Won't You Tell Me Your Name? - Aaron plays the piano and kicks out the women with small boobies and the ones who indicate that they have minds of their own.	10.01.2002 10.05.2002	C-	Shack
2-1 Recap	Love Is in the Heir The Bachelor Revealed (Season 2) - A small-town daddy's boy is looking for a new toy: a pretty girl who doesn't know the difference between "genuine sincerity" and "smug self-satisfaction." Fortunately for him, nobody involved with this show seems to know, either. Also, Alex and Amanda are still faker than an aluminum Christmas tree.	09.24.2002 09.28.2002	N/A	Shack