Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 398 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Shawntel? More like "Yawntel," amirite?

Let's start: Courtney. She hesitates when he offers it to her. "I will, but tonight was a lot, and I just want you to know that," she says. Well, that's almost a complete sentence. "'A lot'?" asks Ben. Courtney's shaking like she's kicking heroin tonight. She's pissed because Ben was talking to "what's-her-butt" as opposed to any of the other fifteen what's-their-butts. Next: Kacie B. Hooray! Elyse. Ugh. Jamie. There's a Jamie? Jennifer. Casey S. I love the ineffectual threats the women are making. "If Ben chooses Shawntel over me, it won't be pretty," says Jaclyn. Blakeley's next. Nicki's tells us it's not OK if people go home tonight and Shawntel stays. At best, she's only taking one spot. The upside is maybe Ben's got a thing for women who can't hold their shit together! Monica gets a rose. Shawntel's looking more and more concerned, even though she's been through this enough times to know that they always try to wring as much drama as possible out of the final rose. Nicki gets a rose. Fortunately she's not crying. Samantha gets a rose, and now we're down to the last one, up for grabs. "I think I'm getting dumped by a girl that he's known for three minutes," whines Jaclyn, even before the rose is handed out. "I'm nauseous," says Erika.

"Before I do anything, I'd just like to say a few things," says Ben. Erika swears, and then before Ben can say anything, Erika collapses. "Poor Erika couldn't stand. We weren't sure what was wrong," Blakeley tells us. It's called melodrama. Kacie B. calls it a three-ring circus and it's all because of Shawntel. Courtney likewise says it's all Shawntel's fault.

We come back from commercial and I guess we're supposed to be relieved that Erika is still alive, like she's recovered from some sort of actual malady that isn't just "being a basket case." Rachel says, "Erika's looking like she's going to make it through this rose ceremony, thank god." Yeah, because NOTHING'S WRONG WITH HER. You know, besides whatever drove her to come on this show. "But that bitch better not get a rose tonight," she finishes.

Everyone gets back into place, and Harrison has to come out again to make sure Erika's OK. Then Ben starts talking about how emotions run high. "These decisions are getting really difficult," he says, and then addresses the final women left: Erika, Jaclyn and Shawntel, praising each of them for various reasons. Then, kinda amazingly, he bags on all of them and says he's not going to hand out the final rose. Kacie smiles, Emily makes an "Oh no he di'n't!" face. Harrison comes out to ask if he's sure; he is. Erika tries for another phony hyperventilating collapse while Jaclyn sobs and stomps off. Erika's collapse draws much less sympathy from the others this time, while Lidnzi chases after Jaclyn to comfort her.

Bachelor

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