Bachelor
A Romantic Gondola Ride

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A Romantic Gondola Ride

Previously on It Puts The Lotion On Bettina, Or Else It Gets The Hose Again: Kristy wept. Jade got the boot (and pouted unattractively, in footage I don't think we saw last week). McCarten and Stephy went home. And I failed to realize that VO Guy is in fact Chris Harrison. Sorry, Chris! Call me!

Tonight: Bettina continues her estrangement from both face powder and the ability to converse in an interesting fashion; Hillary loses her shit.

Chris, attired in another unforgivable shirt, gathers the remaining 'ettes for the lowdown: two one-on-one dates, one group date, and no roses in play on any of them. The first date box/picnic basket is already in the room, and the invitation is for Bettina. Bettina unpacks the basket (...hee, "basket") and VOs that she feels confident there's "visible chemistry between" her and Brad. First of all, she means "tangible"; second of all, there certainly is not; third of all, shut up, Bettina. The girls figure out that the date involves a gondola, and Kristy reminds her that, when you go under a bridge, you have to kiss. Bettina's like, "Oh. 'Great.'" Awkward silence. "Very excited," Bettina fakes, taking forever to stuff a flower behind her ear, then smiles smugly and leaves the room. Everyone else is like, "Okay then." DeAnna 'etterviews that Bettina is playing the mysterious, hard-to-get angle, but doesn't seem bothered. Hillary stresses about the vibe between Bettina and Brad. Jenni, listening, isn't worried either.

Bradterview raves about all of Bettina's fine qualities, beautiful, the perfect package, blah. He has a bunch of observations to that effect over the course of their one-on-one, that she's "drop-dead gorgeous," that he wants to kiss her, that he could go anywhere with her and have fun -- and he's not selling any of them, probably because no one could. She's pretty average-looking, she has no discernible sense of humor, and around Brad, she acts like she's on an interview for a job she doesn't even want, and it's not like you can't spot the producer picks pretty easily anyway, but Brad is usually good at covering for that with gentlemanly sincerity. Here, he's droning his lines like a first-grader in the school play. "In fourteen hundred ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, and the point of this one-on-one is to get Bettina to relax and be herself. The end."

As the two of them approach a picnic blanket on a pier, Bettina 'etterviews that she falls more and more in love with Brad every time she sees him, but she was brought up to play hard to get. They clink glasses, and Bettina says the picnic is awesome, and Brad monotones another one of his lines, and she gives a speech about feeling more comfortable around him.

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