Bachelor
A Trip to Barbados

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Boom Boom Boom Let's Go Back to Matt's Room

Another envelope from Chris offering them up the fantasy suite card, and she doesn't hesitate at all in saying yes, and she seems to think it's an honor. I hope the room had the honor of being hosed down after Matt and Shayne used it.

Back for champagne and snogging in the fantasy suite, and more blather that sounds like vague lyrics of love from a Diane Warren greatest hits CD.

Two down, one to go. Matt greets Chelsea at the pier, because they're going out on a catamaran. Apparently, their relationship has been on a real roller-coaster, but he had a great time on the hometown date. They're going to have a brilliant time. Her parents were brilliant! In a talking head, he says that when they got out on the boat, things seemed awkward. So we see some deathly boring chit-chat about the size of the island, set to doom and gloom music. "Where was that passion? Where was that romance? Gone. Chelsea seemed a million miles away." This is disappointing for Matt, that this woman is not throwing herself at his brilliant self. Fortunately, they can stop talking and start snorkeling. "I hope that Chelsea and I can turn the corner and fine romance," he says. They bother some poor turtle, who is all, "Oh, god, The Bachelor? I'm too old for this shit" and swims off. Looks like fun, though. Unfortunately, Matt complains that he had more chemistry with the turtle, better eye contact, than he did with Chelsea. "I was gutted," he says. But you're in love with Shayne, and/or Amanda, so how is this a problem? And weirdly, we've had very few talking-heads with Chelsea so far. This is starting to get the vibe of a "hell no I'm not marrying this British douchebag but I'm not turning down a free trip to Barbados" thing from Chelsea. We go to commercial not knowing if Chelsea's going to agree to fuck Matt for the sake of staying in a nicer hotel room.

In a talking head, Matt says he's not sure he wants to go to dinner with Chelsea, if she's not into him. "If she's not feeling it, that's fine? Why should she feel it, if she's not? What I don't want is the act, you know?" Yeah, that's your job, arsehole.

Over dinner, Matt tells her that if there were a Bachelor for best friends, she'd totally have won it already, and Chelsea talks about how she knows the date wasn't great, and admits -- finally -- that the fact that there are other women in the mix is weighing on her. Good for Chelsea. Since this is an actual problem and not the usual blah-blah about "connection" and "opening up," Matt doesn't really have an answer. He does tell her he doesn't want to lose her, though. Anyway, Matt hands over the skeevy Chris Harrison pimpvitation about the individual suite, and Chelsea gives an unqualified yes, since she really wants an evening alone with Matt. Which is kind of what they have right now, isn't it?

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