Bachelor
A Trip To Cabo San Lucas

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A Trip To Cabo San Lucas

BVO: I have real, deep feelings for Jenni and feel very comfortable with her, we're growing together, blah. Lounging in bed, Jenni -- who is wearing some serious pole shoes -- strokes his face and says, "Thanks for being…the man that I dream about." Smooching. As Jenni 'etterviews that "you cannot deny" what's between her and Brad (insert boner joke here) and talks about destiny, Brad gets up and shuts the door in our faces before the aforementioned Woodrow can make an appearance on-camera.

Commercials.

BVO: Last night with Jenni rocked, "but I have to keep an open mind." Bettina arrives on the dock, Brad spouts his producer-mandated line about how they'll be on an America's Cup boat, and then we get a Bradterview about how he's glad to have Bettina on this particular date because "she's so adventurous, she loves the water," blah blah blah. Ad…venturous? Bettina? Compared to whom, Emily Dickinson? Okay, she knows her way around a jet-ski, but she's about as free-spirited as a banana slug. And just as shiny oh yeah I said it. Bradterview talks some more about getting to know the real Bettina, as if that's a desirable goal.

Sailing. Bettina and Brad raise a sail together (insert boner joke here). Bettina teenagers that she and Brad helped crew the boat, "and Brad looked really hot." In an 'etterview, she talks about how attracted to him and into him she is, and it's as convincing as you might imagine, i.e. not. They strip down to their suits and hit the beach as a plaintive Croce-ish guitar tries to convince us that they have a relationship more profound than that of two strangers seated beside one another in the jury-duty bullpen. Bettina VOs about how their time on the private beach "is the perfect time to be intimate and to be physical with somebody," but something is holding her back: "I think it's just that I'm…kinda scared." Yeah -- that your dad is frenching your ex-husband under the bleachers. Which he totally is. Also, please stop talking like a Cialis commercial.

Date time. As Brad is VO-ing about how he has the fantasy-suite card and talking about how Bettina is attractive and "super-hot," the camera pans over to a picture of…Frida Kahlo. Hilarious! Okay, the tile says "La Frida" under it, so it's probably just the name of the dining room, but still, that is some bitchy juxtaposition by the camera crew. Well done. Anyway, Brad wonders if there's "substance" between them, but they'll see.

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