Brad VOs about how he's trying to figure out who's here to fall in love and who's just having a good time, and of course we cut inside to Hillary and Solisa up on a table, and Solisa is vibrating her butt-cheeks. 'Etterviews about wanting a rose. Solisa wiggling her foobs. Hillary trying to do a booty dance and landing somewhere on the epileptic spectrum. Brad toasts to Michele feeling better.
Chris! Thank God you're here. It's Rose Ceremony time. Bradterview: I don't like breaking people's hearts; "it's weighing heavily" blah blah.
Rose Ceremony. Chris introduces Brad. Brad: blah blah high stakes tough decision. Accepting roses: Kristy. Bettina, who needs blotting papers. Hillary, ew. Stephy. (Shot of Jade shooting a "…bitch" side-eye at Lindsey.) Sheena. McCarten, yuck, who is more elbowy than necessary as she comes out of the back row. Jenni. (Shot of Jade shooting a completely over-the-top Cruella DeVil glare at Jenni.) Lindsey, who also needs blotting papers. Jade, ew. Chris comes in to announce the last rose, and leaves again. Last rose goes to…Solisa. Oh, Brad. Come on, buddy!
Hereby ejected: the unmemorable Erin; Mallory, who is the best we've seen her in an entirely philosophical and fine-with-it exit interview; and Michele, who admits tearfully that she'll blame her fall for the fact that she got ousted because it will make her feel better, but she knows Brad just wasn't feeling it and that's that: "I'm a nice person, I'm kick-ass! People fall in love with me, just not Brad." Aw, Michele. Seriously, babe: wear more blue, and find yourself a nice guy who's in a band on the weekends and rides a Harley.
Next week: Hillary has a meltdown. Also, Chad.