Bachelor
After The Final Rose

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After The Final Rose

Chris brings DeAnna back out. She and Brad hug awkwardly; audience members make "…Un! Comfortable!" faces. DeAnna is waiting for Brad in the high weeds and Chris is immediately like, "What?" Then Brad is like, "What?" and DeAnna claims she's "nervous," but her body language is 100 percent "I hate you." Chris tells DeAnna that she must have questions, and we return to the bone-dry well of "how come you couldn't pick one of us when you had two to choose from." Brad's like, Jesus H., fine, once more with feeling: "It has nothing to do with two women, why I couldn't pick one." My point; thank you. He says again how hard he found it to tell DeAnna he couldn't "continue a relationship" with her, and she jumps right back in to say that he never so much as hinted that "it wasn't there," and again, this is a valid point, in a real-world relationship. Within the Bachelor-verse, unfortunately, that law doesn't apply; he has to lie, or keep mum, or whatever, because what if it's "not there" with any of them? What, they just stop filming? He didn't feel it; that's baseball. He can't control the rules of the show; he can't make himself love you. Please figure these things out very soon.

…Alas, no. DeAnna reminds Brad of various things he said that turned out not to hold much water, and Brad responds patiently that he did his best to get it to catch fire, but it didn't happen. She's confused and angry and hurt all at once, but she still has hope that "there's something there." Brad's like, I didn't say there was nothing there, it's that something was missing, and DeAnna snaps, "But that wasn't the case!" and reminds him that they "got together in the first place" and he kept her there for five weeks, and I start combing online directory assistance for DeAnna's sister's number, because…DeAnna. Honey. That wasn't the case for you. You made out with him a couple of times, in a hothouse atmosphere that doesn't obey our Earth rules emotionally, and the fact that he kept you through eight Rose Ceremonies may only mean that he found you slightly less unsuitable than others he let go before you. He doesn't love you; he won't love you; no evidence you think you have to the contrary will change that fact. DeAnna winds up her rant with, "I don't understand what you're scared of." Brad can't really say what I said several paragraphs ago, namely that he's only "scared of" getting involved with a woman he doesn't care about that way, so he dodges by saying DeAnna deserves a guy who loves her and knows for sure she's the one. Then we have another off-point exchange about Brad's expectations before DeAnna goes back to harping on the "I didn't see this coming" aspect. Brad makes the mistake of saying that he's as heartbroken as she is, which DeAnna doesn't believe; nor does she believe that he's sad to see her crying. Chris asks if any feelings remain on Brad's side, and he says of course, that he thinks about DeAnna every day, and DeAnna jumps all over that -- she doesn't know what that means, that he thinks about her every day but still let her get away. He's like, are you seriously asking? She grumps through the beginning of tears that she's waited two months for the answer. Brad's like, well, you asked for it, and says that if he'd seen "enough there on that day," he'd have fought for the relationship, but he's "very confident" in his decision. Angry murmur from the audience. He's sorry they won't have an "incredible moment" where they get together, but…

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