Tenley will have to find something new to watch between the hours of 8 and midnight, Monday-Friday, because Jake's rugged good looks will be joining the cast of Dancing with the Stars next season. I am SO thrilled that I don't EVER have to watch that show. Harrison asks Tenley if she is ready to see Jake. She's not, but doesn't use her safe word, so Harrison chortles gleefully and brings out The Bachelor. Jake comes out wearing his sad eyes and a black suit. Tenley announces that Jake "smells so good," which is pretty much the most awkward thing you can say to someone who dumped you on national television. Jake looks uncomfortable and Tenley is all giggly and nervous and probably more touchy feely than she should be with someone SHE KNOWS is engaged. Jake smashes her smile to bits by announcing that the day on Mt. Misery was the best and worst day of his life. Tenley's smile fades as that sinks in. Tenley still doesn't understand what was missing. Jake doesn't think he'll be able to offer her any closure. There's nothing wrong with her, he had her up on a pedestal, she's just missing some "magical spark." She was perfect for him. But she wasn't perfect for him, you know what I mean? No, Jake, no one knows what the heck you are talking about. Tenley asks if it had something to do with the physical chemistry thing he was mumbling about on the yacht, but Jake says no, they had chemistry. And, I mean, it would be rude to say they didn't have chemistry after the whole post-fight make-up sex thing. This conversation is not really clearing anything up. Tenley has a question: Is Jake being unfair to Vienna if he felt so strongly about both of them? The audience claps resoundingly in appreciation for Tenley's tenacious question. Jake mumbles something about "magical sparks" and claims he and Vienna have it. He never thought your heart could love two people at once, but magically it could. He still loves Tenley and is very protective of her and swears she is a "life friend." Um, yeah, whatever the fuck a "life friend" is you know Vienna is having none of it. To her credit, Tenley is a little skeptical that Jake's significant other would be up for that, but she gamely thanks him anyway. Harrison halts his harassment and sincerely tells Tenley that she is one of the nicest and sweetest women they have ever had on The Bachelor. And with that Tenley is dismissed from the stage and swept back to Newberg, Oregon, where she can be the town's biggest attraction second only to the killer whale show at the Aquarium.
Episode Report CardLuluBates: A+ | 1261 USERS: B-
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