Finally, Harrison brings Vienna out on stage. She and Jake hug like they haven't seen each other in months. And, who knows, maybe they haven't. The timeline of this show is always confusing to me. Harrison just could not be happier to see the two of them together and Vienna is wearing her engagement ring and Jake hasn't changed his mind yet or anything. Vienna shows off her enormous ring to the cameras. They are so excited to be able to take their love public after so many months of seclusion. They kiss some more and the audience is pretty much all making gagging noises at this point. Harrison realizes he is losing the crowd and quickly asks Vienna to explain her feelings about seeing Jake standing there waiting for her. She doesn't really say anything but Jake jumps in talking about how he's never been engaged before and wanted to make sure he did it right and how he was nervous that she would say no. As if Vienna would say no to a rock that size and trudge on back to her sad life in the middle of nowhere in Florida pretending she's a virgin again so her daddy will love her. Harrison asks Vienna what it has been like having everyone be so darn mean to her. Because, you know, SHE IS AWFUL. Until you get to know her, of course. She admits that it's been very difficult to have the tabloids hounding her. Jake defends his lady and says it is okay if no one understands why they are together, because he does. He gets it. I'm not sure that's good enough. But I'm starting to believe these two really are perfect for each other.
After the break, Harrison wants Jake and Vienna to talk about the future and babies and shit because they have been dating secretly for three months and time's a-wastin'. Vienna announces that she is moving to Dallas, effective immediately. No word on whether her daddy is coming with her. They haven't set a wedding date yet, but they most definitely will be doing that really soon they swear, no really, they are definitely getting married. To help kick start the romance (and maybe the baby making), Chris Harrison announces that they are being sent back to St. Lucia, which will hopefully curtail some of the tabloids and I am pretty sure America won't mind if those two stay in seclusion for, like, ever. Then for no apparent reason other than to fill more time, Jeffrey Osbourne comes out and serenades the couple with On the Wings of Love. To make sure everyone is incredibly uncomfortable, Jake and Vienna dance in a spotlight on stage. Harrison can't handle it and skedaddles. Jake kisses Vienna while she is giggling uncontrollably and then he dips her as the song ends. Jake mouths a thank you to Jeffrey Osbourne for the personal serenade, and then goes in for the big hug. Harrison finally gets his ass back on stage and cuts to commercial before announcing the next Bachelorette. I think the only uncertainty here is whether it will be Ali or Tenley. It's Ali. She is so honored and grateful and excited. But does she have vacation time from her job? And I think she and Tenley are wearing the same dress in different colors, which is sort of odd. Like wouldn't someone have mentioned it to them? Ali is really excited to get married and fall in love and have kids and she won't make the same mistake of having a job that she likes standing in her way. She is looking for a funny, smart, quirky guy who doesn't care if she doesn't have a job. But she isn't looking for a specific guy, but a specific feeling. Or at least a feeling other than "unemployment." She found love with Jake, so she KNOWS "the journey" of The Bachelor works. All I know is that they play one bar of "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" and I am SO out of there.