Bachelorettes Compose Songs

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | Grade It Now!
And You Can Tell Everybody This Is Your Song (But You Probably Won’t)

Jason goes back to Stephanie, and they dance the evening away. "I just want to kiss you," she tells him as they waltz. And before you know it, they lip-lock. Nikki's ziti probably isn't even cold.

So the women are talking about Nikki not being there, and... oh, hold on, Melissa uses the word "surreal." So I'm going to fast-forward now. Oh, hold on. Megan is saying that "as this goes further along, the pressure increases literally 300 to 400 percent daily." Ah, "literally." When you use it wrong, you use it all the way wrong, as David Cross likes to say. Anyway, all the concerns vanish when Jason walks in to pay his usual lip service to how hard the previous night was, but tonight's all about partying.

Jillian points out that this is the first time she's gone into a rose ceremony without already having a rose, so she's just going to try to stay positive. She sits down with Jason and talks about how when she's with him she thinks of him as "Jason" but when he's with someone else he's just "Dude," and she's completely lost me.

And then he's sitting down with Melissa, who apologizes for losing her shit the other night, and then she starts talking about the little things she notices, like the freckle on his eye or the mysterious hole in his ear that she wants to get at the bottom of. Then they kiss, and she uses the phrase "Melissa Mesnick" in an interview.

Then there's Megan talking to the other women about how nervous she is, and then in an interview she says she's best-suited for Jason, but she's not sure he sees that. Isn't it kind of crucial that he sees that? Shouldn't that be part of the "best-suited" part? They have a good laugh over the stupid General Hospital shenanigans, which I'd already managed to repress. Then they're waltzing for whatever reason, and I was kind of hoping Megan in the interview would say, "I fucking loved dancing the fucking waltz with him."

Jason sits down between Shannon and Lauren. Lauren has decided that she needs to be even BOSSIER with Jason after he didn't follow her orders the other night to give her a rose, so things get decidedly uncomfortable when, while Jason and Shannon discuss fake-slapping on the soap opera set, Lauren says she's going to slap him for real, for not following her instructions. In an interview, Jason says, "Lauren gives me crap a lot. She really does." Bye-bye Lauren! He pulls her aside to find out what's up.

She gives him crap about not following orders, at least until she finally figures out that he doesn't appreciate being told what to do any more than, you know, ANYBODY does, and tries to play it off like her being funny and crazy. And they kiss for a little bit, but you know what? Sometimes the kamikaze pilot can't pull up in time.

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