Bachelorettes Compose Songs

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | Grade It Now!
And You Can Tell Everybody This Is Your Song (But You Probably Won’t)

Well, I hate to be the one to break it to Lauren, but writing your own crappy trite lyrics and singing it to the tune of Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors" doesn't mean you wrote a "real song."

And now it's Nikki's turn, and she introduces the song by making sure everyone knows what a big deal it is for her to do this, and prefaces the song by saying she hopes to sing it to her babies one day. And she sings out a little lullaby that was nowhere near as bad as deserving a complete mental breakdown. I mean, it suffers the same forced rhymes and all-over-the-place rhythm as the rest, but it beats Stephanie, anyway.

So who does Jason pick? After complimenting Nikki and Shannon (for rapping better than he did, which is a little like singing better than William Hung), he picks Molly. Lauren is NOT happy. In an interview, she crabs that this was supposed to be about the best song, which was hers. I'd like to point out a) Your song sucked; b) Jason's the one who decides which song is the best one; and c) even if he had picked yours, I'm pretty sure he would have to take Cyndi Lauper on the one-on-one date. Nikki is similarly cheesed about not being picked, solely because it was so difficult for her to do it. Life's rough, get a helmet, Nikki.

The date card arrives, and it's Shannon who fetches it, and is a little too excited for Molly in a "see what a good sport I am" kind of way, only I literally cannot understand a word she's saying because her voice is so high I don't think my ears can process it at all. The card reads: "Molly, let's stay home at my place tonight. J." Molly looks terrified at first and then gets all excited.

Jason talks about how women expect the outrageous dates with the helicopters and whatnot, but this is more him. Cheap? Melissa says she's jealous because this date is going to be what it's like just hanging out with Jason at home on a Saturday night.

Jason picks Molly up, and all the women are all smiles until they leave, and then they start scowling and speculating and sticking pins in voodoo dolls. A couple of them are eating McDonald's, so maybe they're hoping to get some songwriting inspiration from the same place that inspired Molly.

Jason's got a little candlelight picnic set up at his place, and Molly says this is the perfect date. You know, if I kept the tapes of Bachelor episodes, I'm thinking that every woman on every one-on-one date has called it "perfect," no matter what they did. "He took me to a porno theatre. I thought it was great he was able to open up that side of himself. It was just perfect."

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