Bachelor
Bachelorettes Compose Songs

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And You Can Tell Everybody This Is Your Song (But You Probably Won’t)

Back at the house, Nikki and Stephanie are sunning and talking about their upcoming date, and then we get a painful interview with Nikki where she talks about her one previous relationship and how there's resentment there because she should have been a mom by now, and she starts to cry again, and I'm getting fairly confident that we're only going to have to listen to her crying for another hour and fifteen minutes or so.

Oh, god, we're STILL at General Goddamn Motherfucking Hospital, and now Megan gets a kissing scene with Jason, and she feels completely uninhibited and like a seductress thanks to the teddy she's wearing, and she practically sucks half his face off and ignores the director yelling cut. Somewhere in the back, Shannon is probably murdering people in blind rage. Melissa talks about how hard it was to watch Jason make out with everybody, and tells Megan, in that "pretending to be friendly banter" way, that that wasn't acting but her taking advantage of an opportunity. Megan's all, damn right, and says she hasn't kissed anybody in a really long time. That would be because she's usually too busy being thanked by people who are so grateful she's in their lives, I imagine.

So afterwards we're going to a "Hollywood wrap party," and just as you're wondering who in the hell has time to hang out with the bachelor and his idiot women, we find out that it's only them there, with Jason lamely explaining that this is the kind of place actors might come to have a wrap party.

But some party. Melissa says everyone's kind of tense, and there's Naomi sitting all by herself. She complains that earlier she was having fun with Jason (read: "I was kissing him") but then it wasn't as much later (read: "other women were kissing him"). So we're getting into that part of the season where the women miraculously figure out that it's tough to be in love with someone who dates and kisses other women. [And has sex with them in a tent. - Z] Yes, it happens every season, and every time I could not have less sympathy for anyone who agrees to be on this show. "It makes it feel less special," says Naomi.

Of course, the real reason for Naomi sulking is so Jason will come over and talk to her. So here we go again with "it just feels real now" talk, where the women pretend they didn't expect to fall in love, and surprise! They're falling in love! Jason blathers on that she's the one person he'll always want the best for, whether they'll be together or not, and they'll always be in each others' "lifes."

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