Bachelorettes Compose Songs

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | Grade It Now!
And You Can Tell Everybody This Is Your Song (But You Probably Won’t)

So I guess Stephanie's been twiddling her thumbs this whole time, but she gets her chance now, and she goes on about how she's so grateful to be there and she's very attracted to Jason. In an interview, she says she really wants that kiss. I am really starting to get unnerved by how all the women on this show speak about "the kiss," like it's some kind of immortality-granting magical potion. [Maybe it's like the Dementor's kiss from Harry Potter, and they hope to steal his soul? - Z]

After more pointless speculation from the women back at the house, and more pointless platitudes from Jason in voiceover. Really? It's "important that the rose go to the right person tonight"? I mean, it's not really important, but it's pretty clear that, within the context of this show, it's important.

Anyway, he talks about how they're "two of the most amazing people I could come across." He says Steph has "a heart of gold." And Nikki "is as sweet as can be." But the rose is going to Stephanie, who graciously nods without too much obvious glee. Nikki puts her head down, and then looks up again for a little smile at Stephanie, who gives her a sincere, "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry" look.

Jason walks Nikki to the limousine. She smiles and thanks him. Gracious in defeat. I hope Natalie is watching and taking notes. "Whoever gets you is super-duper lucky," she tells Jason.

Poor Nikki. I start to feel bad for her in the limousine, because she's so messed up by having an 11-year relationship end that she doesn't get that there needs to be more than looks and brains. She seems sweet enough that I hope she does figure things out soon.

Back at the house, the hooded bellhop of rejection comes in to pick up Nikki's things. "Oh my god, you guys," says Shannon, while the women watch, as somber as a movie theatre showing Schindler's List, for god's sake.

In the limousine, Nikki says, "I have having my pity party and saying it's not fair, but it's not fair." It's not fair why? Because she imagined herself meeting Ty and Jason's mom. You're right! It's not fair! She talks about how she does everything right and she's always rejected. Well, no. You were rejected once. By someone who sounds like a douche. And being rejected by a television douche on The Bachelor doesn't qualify as a rejection as much as a mercy killing, so don't sweat it.

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