Bachelor
Ben Gives Out His Final Rose

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Swiss Cheese

Nighttime descends on Zermatt, and Lindzi lights some candles and prepares for her final audit before this super special fairtytale ends and Ben goes to do the exact same thing with another woman. "I've had a good feeling about you from the beginning, so thank you," says Ben, because he is a complete dork. Lindzi tells him that the great news is that it only gets better, and then the woman who rode in on a horse tells Ben that she came into this with "walls up."

And now Ben is talking about feeling things, which is a nice thing to shoot for, and I think we all hope he gets there. Lindzi talks about how rare it is that you meet someone that you want to be with. Yeah, that never happens. Who wants to be with people? And then she talks about how she fell in love. "I love you," she says. "That's good!" says Ben. Aww. Just like all those fairytales! And then Ben congratulates her on finally opening up and getting to the point where he knew she could get, like there is some kind of Xbox "Opening up!" achievement that just unlocked, like the latter half of every season isn't just everyone talking about NOTHING BUT how much they're opening up.

And then they go outside so they can jam their tongues in each other's throats, just to make sure Ben has all the information he needs before making his decision. And then Lindzi whispers, "I love you," and we don't hear Ben say anything, not even, "That's super, dude!"

And whatever doubts Ben is now pretending that he had about Lindzi before last night have been laid to rest, I guess because she said that she loved him, again? I suppose?

And now it's time to go through this again with Courtney, who manages to let a little of the ol' Courtney shine through when she pretends not to be able to remember Lindzi's name, and also say that she doesn't see a whole lot of depth with Lindzi. Which, if that's true, would actually mean she'd make a pretty good fit for Ben.

And now Courtney and Ben are in a helicopter, flying over the top of the Matterhorn, and the stark beauty of the mountain is completely degraded by Ben talking about how this is just like their relationship is "soaring to new heights" and if anyone watching doesn't want the two of them to crash into the side of the Matterhorn, it means they don't have a soul.

And they touch down for a mountain pondside lunch, and one of those interminable chats about journeys, and Ben tells her how much his mom and sister really liked her, and how amazing she was for explaining herself, or something, and Courtney of course has to talk about how it was hard for her, but that's the kind of sacrifice she's willing to make for Ben.

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Bachelor

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