Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C | 559 USERS: B-
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Aloha, Oy

Bobsledding ensues. There's not much to say about it, really -- it's people strapped to something that goes fast, and as I've explained before, that tends to be a non-character-revealing activity, because there's nothing for the people involved to do except yell "Wooo!" Which they do. A lot. Andrew and Kirsten raise their arms at the end of the ride as if they've accomplished something besides being successfully manipulated by gravity. Here's what Andrew has to say in his interview: "Kirsten definitely impressed me today, because I know how amazing she is on a yacht and a drive-in, but to take her out of her element like this and put her up on a bobsled on a sheet of ice, and have her smiling and giggling the whole way, it sort of says a lot about her." You know, I've always said that. Indiscriminate smiling and giggling is a real display of character. Andrew and Kirsten smooch and hug at the end of the bobsled ride, thrilled that they have cheated death. Or, you know, ridden an icy roller coaster. As they leave, Kirsten interviews that she wishes Andrew would just tell her that she's getting a rose and will be meeting his parents and so forth. She's so impatient. We see them take a ride on a snowmobile as she explains that she understands he can't do that. She clearly doesn't understand, but she has to say she does.

Andrew and Kirsten enjoy lunch at an otherwise deserted restaurant, and they discuss how amazing the bobsled ride was some more. They review their history of excellent dates, because that's really all there is to talk about when you're not too bright. "Drive-in, yacht..." Andrew says, and this makes Kirsten laugh through her food, all, "Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm." Because it's...funny? I don't know. "This is only the beginning...right?" she fishes. "Exactly," Andrew says, not listening. She speaks happily about how easy things are with them, and Andrew points out that they haven't yet had their first fight. Incidentally, these two nitwits have accidentally hit on one of the reasons this kind of show is such a complete fraud, and why it's not at all true, as some of the participants claim, that it's as good a way to meet someone as any. Because of the competitive aspect, people are coerced into a completely unequal power situation, which means that the "down" person (here, Kirsten) wouldn't ever take on the "up" person (here, Andrew), no matter how full of shit he was. They'd never have a fight, because she's trying to get him to pick her. And until you've at least disagreed with somebody and held your ground and seen how that person reacts, you don't know him or her at all, really. Yeah, I know, that's a more thorough analysis than the show deserves. But anyway.

Bachelor

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