Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C | 559 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Aloha, Oy

She feeds Andrew the morsel he's begging for, which is that her biggest fear is that she won't end up with him. She continues trolling for the morsel she wants, which is "confirmation" that he's going to pick her, which she understands he can't provide. Except, of course, that she doesn't understand, which is why she keeps trolling for it in a variety of ways. He tells her that of course he can give her confirmation -- of the way he feels about her, just not of the way he feels about anybody else. Can he really be this dense? Can he really think that confirming how you feel about somebody is meaningful when it's divorced from the "what the hell are you going to do about it?" follow-up? God. Talk is cheap, Kid Rockefeller. Andrew tells her that even though he can't tell her exactly what his plan is, he would hope she can read his body language. God, that is so cheesy. I'm surprised he doesn't add, "In Braille," and then waggle his eyebrows. She says, "Right, like, I feel you're really into me," and I can barely hear the rest of what she says through my own tears of laughter. This is the best mutual emotional outpouring ever. And also an impressive display of smartiosity. They go back and forth some more about how she knows he could be doing the same thing with other people at the same time, blah dee blah. He calls that the "hiccup" in the whole thing. And by "hiccup," of course, he means "premise." Andrew quite brilliantly surmises in an interview that Kirsten is nervous about him going on "overnight dates" (finger-quote that, incidentally, every time you read it) with two other women right after he goes on an "overnight date" with her. Andrew says that all he could offer was reassurance that when he's with Kirsten, he's only thinking about Kirsten. And I think that's really all that we chicks want from fidelity, isn't it? I mean, we don't mind y'all sleeping around, as long as you're not thinking about more than one of us at a time. Surprisingly, this does not seem to make Kirsten entirely happy. She trolls some more about how she could never have "such strong feelings" for three people at the same time, desperately trying to get Andrew to tell her that he doesn't have strong feelings for the other women. He does not oblige. In her interview, Kirsten tells us that not only are her feelings strong for Andrew, but that they're stronger than the feelings that the other girls have for him. Because she would know, of course. They eat. She trolls for hints.

Bachelor

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