Bachelor
Bowling For Dullards

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Aloha, Oy

Andrew and Tina walk up the beach yapping about how it's her first time in Hawaii, they're both happy to be here, blah blah blah. They sit down on the beach and enjoy a picnic, where Andrew seems to be trying to quiz her about what she's thinking, but in his inimitable Andrew way, it comes out like a verbal version of an abstract painting, where you can sort of see what the words are supposed to be doing, but there's no literal interpretation that is satisfactory. She says that she came to the show to find out whether there was a possibility she'd like him and so forth, and now she does, so that's just swell, and on and on. He asks her what she would do with herself in San Francisco, since obviously she would come and live where he is. No point discussing any sacrifices that Andrew might make. I mean, she's trying to get him to pluck her off the showroom floor like a new Ferrari, after all, and there's no point in putting it right on the window sticker that he might have to learn to drive differently. Anyway, Tina says that she wants to have her own salon and day spa. Andrew seems amused by this, as he probably is by all ambitions that don't involve building your fortune on grapes and rubber.

Tina joins the veritable chorus of women telling us that they are "falling for Andrew," but she also joins the chorus of women telling us that the situation isn't particularly pleasant, with the need to compete and the threat of being conspicuously dumped. Andrew and Tina wade in the blue water holding hands, looking just like an ad for a very effective but very discreetly delivered marital aid. She talks to him about how she knows he's had two other dates, and he (1) tells her not to worry about the other girls, and (2) pushes the hair out of her face. You know, I'm starting to get hip to Andrew's routine. They smooch. Andrew tells us that he and Tina both feel that there's been "lost time," because they haven't had individual dates. He leaves out the part where a good bit of this was Andrew's own choice to pursue other girls, and that none of it was Tina's decision.

Andrew and Tina leave the beach and head to a lagoon where some dolphins are jumping happily in the air. It turns out that the first phase of their date is going to involve swimming in the dolphin lagoon. They frolic, they kiss the dolphins, they learn to make the dolphins dance on command...it's just a big old fish-errific love scene. In an interview, Andrew basically says that, as much fun as the dolphins were, what he's really looking forward to is the evening, with its promise of dinner, more hair-pushing, and perhaps a door-closing shot if he's really lucky. I have to say that of all the dates I think would do nothing for your sense of the other person and what he's really like, the dolphins may be the champion. King of the Meaningless Bachelor Dates -- that is a hard-earned title.

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Bachelor

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