Bowling For Dullards

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C- | 1 USERS: A+
Aloha, Oy

Andrew makes a boring, rather insulting speech about how hard the deliberations have been, and his "incredible journey," and how lucky he is, and how far he's come from the twenty-five special-ordered babes he started out with. He blathers mostly about himself, as usual.

Andrew gives the first rose to Jen, which basically blows any suspense they could have hoped to create, because it's obvious that any shot Tina ever had was dependent on bouncing Jen. For whatever reason, Andrew is utterly bewitched by Kirsten, so you know Tina is out as soon as Jen's name is announced. The wait for the announcement of Kirsten's name is amusingly interminable, to the point where it borders on self-parody, but eventually Andrew gets there. Jen smirks smugly at Tina -- not a nice Jen moment. Chris tells Tina to say goodbye, so she hugs the other women, including Kirsten, who worked so hard to make sure Andrew bounced her. Touching, really. As he walks her out, Andrew voices over that Tina has many amazing qualities, including fire and confidence. We know, however, that Andrew is attracted to neither fire nor confidence, so this outcome should really be no surprise, I guess. He claims that he could never feel comfortable with her emotionally. He sits Tina down outside and condescendingly thanks her for everything. He gives her what I think he envisions as a really warm speech about how he wishes they'd had more time together and wishes things had gone differently. She listens patiently and nods understandingly. When he's through, she thanks him, gives him a kiss and a hug, and takes off for the limo.

Once he's fed her into the limo and it leaves, Andrew has the absolute fucking nerve to voice over that he was "crushed," because he put himself out there for Tina, and she failed to open up to him and give him a "heartfelt goodbye." He's upset that she wouldn't "meet [him] halfway." Let me get this straight. You sleep with her, you dump her on television the next day, and then you expect that she's going to stand around and feed your ego about how wonderful you are and how heartbroken she is, and then assure you that there are no hard feelings? You expect her to be emotionally generous when you have just rejected her? Jesus. The mind just reels at the sense of entitlement. Can one guy be that lacking in self-knowledge? Is that even possible?

In the limo, Tina voices her theory again that she was behind in the running from the beginning, and that she didn't really like feeling like she was playing catch-up to begin with. She says that because she never got any time alone with Andrew, she didn't really have time to give him her whole heart. But, she says, she doesn't know if she would have, because life with Andrew would undoubtedly have ended her pursuit of her own goals, which I have no doubt is entirely true. She winds up and delivers the following wallop right to Andrew's metaphorical bread basket: "I don't think that being barefoot and pregnant on a vineyard is fabulous. At all." Ha! Highlight of the episode.

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