Bachelor
Brad And A Date Enjoy Catalina Island

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"The Life Aquatic with Brad Womack"

So now the two of them are down there. "I did it, because he's worth it," she says, all evidence to the contrary. Brad is great with the wildlife: "That's just a little fish," he tells Chantal by way of identification, so now we know what going on a date with Jacques Cousteau must be like. And now Chantal thinks her underwater adventure proves she's ready for love. "I think I could be Chantal Womack, definitely."

And now it's nighttime and Michelle is putting some frozen thing on her decidedly non-swollen eye, because that's really going to make us think it isn't just a little makeup that she's brushed on there.

Then the group date card arrives, and I lose track of the listed women really quickly, but since this is turning into Michelle vs. Everyone, I can note that she's not on the list. This makes her happy (meaning she scowls just slightly less) because she wants a one-on-one date, and if she doesn't get one, Brad might wind up with a black eye of his own. She's going to put black makeup under his eye too?

So unfortunately Brad didn't drown, and now he and Chantal are going to have a dinner on the beach with tiki torches and a couch, and tents, and now Chantal is talking about her divorce again, and she tells Brad that she "totally" wants to get married again. "I want to have that union," she says, and now they are not actually talking about her marriage, but are talking about whether they should TALK about her marriage, and they agree that it's OK, and she talks about finding the right person, and Brad says "now, more than ever" about getting married or something, and they blather on and then they start kissing.

It's raining back at the mansion, and Michelle is CRYING over being compared to Chantal, even though the only one who has compared herself to Chantal is herself, and she's confiding in another woman whose name I can't remember. She tells us that she doesn't think Chantal is right for Brad, so if Chantal comes home tonight, she doesn't know what that says about her relationship with Brad. "Chantal is very focused on Brad, and she's very headstrong, and if she comes home tonight, we all need to watch out," says the amazingly un-self-aware Michelle. I agree that she's nothing like Chantal. Chantal knows how to smile.

Back at Catalina Island, Brad and Chantal are teasing each other, and Brad tells us that he loves her playfulness, the way she calls him out. "It really is like having a girlfriend, she puts me in check. I love it," he says. Does anything he says ever make any sense? Then he pulls out the rose and it starts to rain, and Chantal says that that's good luck. Rain is good luck? Maybe it will rain really hard and there will be a big storm and a tidal wave will sweep the two of them out to sea. Anyway, he gives a stupid speech about how special she is and how she makes him feel. "I want to grab Chantal's hand and run away. It's freaking crazy!" he tells us, like it's some kind of revelation to anyone watching this show that THIS IS NOT HOW PEOPLE BEHAVE, and now they are cuddling under one of the tents and we get the bed-level camera action while they make out and we go to commercial, and if we get the impression that they had sex on the beach, that's not the show's fault, right?

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Bachelor

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