So they sit and have dinner at the Hollywood Bowl, and Brad seems drunk or even high with his outsized reactions to everything she says. She says she's only dated a couple of guys and Brad reacts like she says that someday she hopes to kill hobos and bury them in her basement, and then just when you think things can't get any weirder, the stage spins around revealing Train, who are apparently still a going concern. You remember, that "Drops of Jupiter" song that was so annoying forty years ago? Yeah, them. Yeah, I guess they're still a band. [Editor's Note: Oh, how I envy your blissful existence free of "Hey, Soul Sister" last year, Daniel! -- Mindy] Somehow not surprisingly, Train seems perfectly comfortable performing for an audience of only two people, but for Jackie and Brad, I'd think it would be weird to be the only two people there and be forced to maintain eye contact with The Singer From Train and pretend that you are really into their musical stylings.
Anyway, Jackie gets a rose and they kiss and Train sings a song that includes the lyric "marry me" but I fast-forwarded a lot of this, mainly to protest Brad pretending that Train is on the level of the Beatles, Elton John or Hendrix.
On to the cocktail party now, where Brad has barely finished toasting the women when Michelle swoops in to take him away to ask him important questions like "Do you prefer Starbucks or The Coffee Bean?" He actually says, "Are you serious?" which earns him some points from me and she says she is, and he says, "Starbucks" and that earns him a fistbump.
When she's done with this nonsense, she struts back and sits with the other women and can't be bothered to make up a good reason for whisking him away so early. She explains that she just asked random questions like whether he prefers Starbucks or The Coffee Bean.
"You're being serious? That's really what you asked him? I thought you were being a smartass," says Emily, earning a million points from me. She manages to say it sweetly enough to make it hard for someone to tell if she's taking a dig at Michelle, which is wise because I think Michelle may have the power to turn people to stone.
And Melissa is lecturing Raichel and her boobs about what an awful person Raichel and her boobs are. Raichel and her boobs would really rather not get into it with her, but they don't mind getting up and walking elsewhere to tell other people what a vile person Melissa is. Melissa goes on to make other women miserable by ranting about Raichel and her boobs endlessly. And now Melissa is crying, and Raichel and her boobs are near tears as well.