We're in Sabi Sands, and Chantal is the first one to greet him, but I didn't recognize her at first because she wasn't crying. "Every time I see Brad, my love grows more and more. We're experiencing new things together," Chantal tells us. This is the longest way to say "anal" I've ever heard. She feels spoiled, because she's going on safari with this amazing man, but she must be confused because there's just Brad in the jeep, apart from the guides.
They say "oh my god" about a hundred times when they see some lions, like WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING TO SEE. There are also giraffes. And rhinos. I guess all of these animals signed release forms, since their faces aren't blurred. Chantal: "We're driving, and it's like oh my god, a rhino. And wildebeests. And crazy monkeys." Wild Fucking Kingdom with Chantal here.
Anyway, Brad and Chantal go for a picnic by the river while there is a (hopefully) hungry hungry hippo in the water. I think I used to like Chantal, but when she babbles about how this is a metaphor for how she feels so safe with Brad even though there are animals around... Yeah, Chantal? You should feel so safe because of the two guides with RIFLES guarding your Picnic of Banal Meta-Relationship Small Talk. Maybe you should go on overnight dates with them!
I will give Chantal this: She's one of the rare women who says "I love [the Bachelor]" instead of the qualifying "I'm falling in love with [the Bachelor]" or "I can see myself falling in love with [the Bachelor]."
And now they're going to dinner, like NO WONDER Chantal has clearly gained weight since the last time I recapped this show, not that I'm judging her for that or anything. They should just do something else other than eat, because at least when they're ziplining or rappelling or whatever they don't have time to indulge in the boring relationship banter. "Never in a million years has my heart been this open to falling in love. I'm talking about throwing caution to the wind here," says Brad. THIS IS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HE SAYS. And then Chantal is all, "Let's just get married here, now, just kidding, UNLESS THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, just kidding." And then she babbles for half an hour and says something like "If that's what I wanted I would just want to do the thing that I wanted, so if I wanted to do it then that means I would want to do it." "She really is an incredible woman," Brad tells us. Still waiting for some evidence! I mean beyond the obvious.