Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 907 USERS: C+
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"Screw Your Courage to the Sticking place, and We'll Not Fail"

Anyway, Michelle makes crazy eyes while Jackie makes her way down. She says she doesn't want to diminish how hard this is -- because she's still pretending that she actually was scared of heights but now is cured -- but calls the whole thing "quite a production," unlike her own freaking out on top of the building. "It's really annoying to see Brad be so nice to the other girls," she says. Michelle's one of those women who like to watch their boyfriends fight all the other guys at the truck stop, isn't she?

Anyway, she's the last one left, and then we find out that Brad does remember the pact they made, so they're going down together. That makes Michelle cheerful instantly. Brad tells us that Michelle's mood changed instantly, but he hasn't yet figured out that this is evidence of just what a psycho Michelle is. Jackie's disappointed that he didn't go down with her, so Brad's kinda justified in telling us that now he's worried that the other women will be jealous of the attention given to Michelle.

So now they're all going to hang out in a hot spring, which means Brad will go shirtless.

"Brad taking his shirt off makes you want to go home and fuck," says Michelle, bleeped out, obviously. Brad hangs out and talks to Jackie, telling her how proud it is of what she did today. "It would have been awesome if we went down together!" says Jackie, doing it in an "I'm just joking around! But not really!" overly bright tone of voice, and Brad sighs heavily.

Date card for Alli back at the hotel: "Meet me at the altar. Brad." Alli says, "Shut up," like she thinks it actually means they're getting married. She is, I'm not even kidding, says it's exciting that the word "altar" is in the card, even though she has no idea what that means.

Anyway, back at the hot springs. "I'm not saying this to be a bitch, at all, but at the end of the day I don't see him with any of these girls," says Michelle.

And now Brad and Emily are talking, and Emily looks awfully standoffish, and she tells him that she tends to sabotage things when guys get too close. "I won't let you sabotage this," says Brad. Yeah, that's Brad's job! Then they start kissing. "It makes me worried that I may get hurt," Brad tells us.

Oh my god, there's a beetle at the hotel. "I'm gonna throw up, I'm not kidding," says Alli, who screeches and screeches when Chantal scoops the bug up on a piece of paper and thrusts it in her direction.

Bachelor

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