Bachelor
Brad and the Women Travel to Costa Rica

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Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
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"Screw Your Courage to the Sticking place, and We'll Not Fail"
d. "I want to be married! I want more children!" Nice to see her not so confident. Looks good on her.

But she doesn't seem to realize that he wants her to back off: "I don't know if I'm crazy or if I don't understand the way he communicates. It's really freaking me out," she tells us.

And the other running subplot of this cocktail party is the Blaming of the Woman who cracked Brad's nice-guy veneer and turned him into a sociopath. Chantal wants to figure out who Brad's talking about when he says that someone gave him some grief about not giving out the rose on the group date.

Meanwhile, Shawntel is alone with Brad. And then they play this wonderful game called the silence game, which involves them blessedly KEEPING QUIET, then they make out, and then they go back to the silent game, which she loses by talking first. Brad loves it, says he wanted to relax, and this did the trick. Well, of course it did. This is his position on women getting all emotional on him at its logical conclusion: I don't want to hear you speak. Just kiss me.

Meanwhile, the other women, led by Chantal, who seems to be a bit of an instigator this episode, have figured out that Michelle must have been the one who pissed Brad off last night, despite the fact she played dumb when asked about it earlier.

So Michelle is asked again if she knows who gave Brad grief about not giving out the rose, and she plays innocent again, saying essentially. "Well, last night I went to his house and gave him grief about not giving out the rose, I wonder if that's what he's talking about." And then she just owns it. Talk about the silent game! The other women look like they want to literally murder her. She points out that it's a competition (which is an attitude more of the contestants really need to have every year) and that any one of them could have done the same thing. "I just happened to be the one who did it," she says. "To be honest, this is why I'm here. I'm not apologizing. I'm just trying to keep it real." That last part is usually said by people defending themselves being an asshole.

Time for Chantal now to have an awkward conversation. But this one culminates with, "I'm falling in love with you. I love you." Brad reacts like she just said, "Uh, Brad, did you ever see The Crying Game?" Anyway, that made his night. "To hear a woman say that she's falling in love with me lets me know that this process is working," he says. Doesn't the fact that you didn't/couldn't say it back to her tell you that the process is irreparably fucked? If it doesn't, it should. He just asks what makes her say that, and she says "deep emotional damage," or at least she should.

And now it's time for the rose ceremony, which is unfortunately only going to send one woman home because Alli already got her walking papers. He's got five roses to hand out. He comes out and says he normally practices his speeches, but this time he didn't because he wanted it to come from the heart. When he says something like that, doesn't he think about what he's implying about the sincerity of his speeches at the other rose ceremonies? Anyway, he says it's "humbling" that they all want to do him or whatever.

Ashley. Emily. Britt. Shawntel. So the final rose comes down to Jackie or Michelle, and he gives it to Michelle. After what happened with Michelle tonight, there is no hope for Brad. None. This means one of two things: Brad is a moron, or producer's picks are very real.

Anyway, he takes Jackie out to tell her what a tough decision it was to make, and how she's one in a million, and blah blah blah, and they hug, and he walks her to the SUV.

"I wanted that last rose," she says. She says it really hurts when you actually are in love. "I can't believe he looked at me and said I don't want to be with you. God, it sucks!" And then she talks about what a great guy Brad is, but this must be the Stockholm Syndrome kicking in.

Back at the resort, Brad tells the other women that it was tough letting Jackie go, but they have to move on. Literally, too: they're going to Anguilla. All the women cheer and say, "Yay! I totally know where Anguilla is but will you excuse me and may I borrow a cell phone please?"

Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. He had never heard of Anguilla either. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.

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